Navigating a Domineering Mother-in-Law with Confidence and Calm

In today’s blog, I’ll walk you through an assertive way to deal with a domineering mother-in-law—a situation that many people can relate to, but few know how to handle effectively.

Let’s meet our subject, Emma Quaid. Emma is married to Martin Quaid, whose mother is a classic know-it-all. She has an opinion on everything—how Emma dresses, how she cooks, and especially how she raises her two children.

This behavior has gone on for years, and Emma has tried everything: ignoring her, going along to keep the peace, even lashing out in frustration. But recently, Emma enrolled in an Assertiveness Training class—and now, everything is about to change.

The Assertive Conversation

Mother-in-Law: Emma, I think the baby is cold. Go get a blanket for her.
Emma: Thank you, Mom. I don’t think she is cold.

Mother-in-Law: Can’t you see she’s shivering? Go get a blanket for her.
Emma: Mom, when you tell me what to do with my children, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: What? Why do you feel that way!?
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: But honey, I’m only trying to help. The baby looks cold.
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: Oh, well, you shouldn’t feel that way. Don’t feel that way.
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: You have never said anything about this before. Why are you bringing it up now? Martin! Come in here right now!
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: Well, if you ask me, that’s your problem, not mine!
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: I can see that this conversation is going nowhere. Let’s come back to it later.

What Did Emma Do Right?

Emma used a powerful assertive communication strategy called the Broken Record Technique. Here’s a breakdown of what she did well:

• ✅ Stayed calm – She did not raise her voice or show anger.

• ✅ Stayed focused – She repeated her message without being baited into an argument.

• ✅ Avoided triangulation – She didn’t get pulled into a conflict involving her husband.

• ✅ Used clear “I” statements – Her message was consistent: “When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.”

Was It Effective?

While her mother-in-law didn’t change her behavior immediately, Emma took a stand and clearly communicated her boundaries. Assertiveness is not about controlling the other person—it’s about honoring your own values and expressing them with confidence and clarity.

Reflection Questions

Ask yourself:

• Would you have stayed as calm as Emma did?

• What triggers would have tempted you to argue or defend yourself?

• How might you apply this approach in a difficult conversation in your own life?

What Could Emma Have Done Differently?

While Emma did well using the broken record technique, she might consider:

• Setting a boundary ahead of time with a private conversation.

• Having her husband support her assertiveness by backing her up in future conversations.

• Taking time to follow up after the conversation to reaffirm her values and reinforce her boundary.

Final Thoughts

Assertiveness isn’t about winning—it’s about being clear, respectful, and consistent. Emma showed us that sometimes, the most powerful message you can deliver is one you refuse to back down from.

Want more examples of assertive communication in real-life situations?
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