Despite significant advancements in gender equality, women still encounter pervasive double standards in the workplace. These hidden biases affect career growth, professional relationships, and can exert a considerable influence on overall workplace culture, creating invisible hurdles that women must navigate daily.

What Is the Double Standard?

A double standard occurs when different criteria judge two groups despite similar circumstances. In the workplace, this often manifests in how people are perceived and treated. While men are applauded for assertiveness, women displaying the same trait may be labeled as “bossy” or “aggressive.” When men take risks, they are seen as visionary, but women doing the same may be deemed reckless or overly ambitious. These disparities shape professional trajectories and influence decision-making in hiring, promotions, and leadership opportunities.

The Impact on Women’s Career Advancement

One of the most detrimental effects of workplace double standards is the disparity in career growth. Women face greater scrutiny when climbing the corporate ladder, often requiring more proof of competence than their male counterparts. Research shows that women tend to receive less credit for their contributions, while men are more likely to be promoted based on potential rather than proven performance.

Additionally, women are disproportionately expected to take on administrative or “office housework” tasks such as scheduling meetings, organizing events, or mentoring new employees while men focus on career-enhancing assignments. This dynamic not only slows women’s advancement but also reinforces outdated gender roles. Learning how to deal with this kind of thing is a key part of stress management for women.

Leadership Challenges

Women in leadership face heightened scrutiny. Traits like confidence and decisiveness, celebrated in male leaders, can be perceived negatively in female leaders. The “likability trap” is a prime example—women must be competent, but they are also expected to be warm and approachable. If they push too hard, they may face resistance or backlash, while their male counterparts are often praised for similar behavior.

Women also encounter higher expectations regarding emotional labor. They are expected to manage workplace relationships, soften difficult conversations, and provide support beyond their job descriptions. These extra expectations place an undue burden on female leaders and can contribute to burnout.

Pay Inequality and Recognition

The double standard extends to compensation and recognition. Women frequently experience wage gaps, with studies showing they earn less than men for the same work. Negotiating salaries is another minefield; while men are encouraged to be firm in negotiations, women asking for higher pay may be seen as pushy or ungrateful. Figuring out how to juggle all these balls will be a huge female mindset transformation for you.

Female mindset transformation

Beyond salary, women often struggle to receive proper recognition for their accomplishments. Their contributions may be attributed to teamwork rather than individual excellence, or they may be overshadowed by male colleagues. This lack of acknowledgment can affect self-confidence and career progression.

Work-Life Balance and Parental Expectations

Working mothers often face additional biases. Employers may assume that women prioritize family over work, leading to fewer leadership opportunities. Mothers returning from parental leave sometimes encounter skepticism about their commitment or ability to handle responsibilities. Meanwhile, fathers are often praised for balancing work and family, reinforcing the outdated belief that parenting is primarily a woman’s responsibility.

Flexible work arrangements, though beneficial, can sometimes reinforce this double standard. Women utilizing parental leave or remote work options may face subtle penalties in career advancement, while men using the same options are less likely to be scrutinized.

How Can We Address These Double Standards?

1. Unconscious Bias Training: Companies must actively educate employees about implicit biases and create awareness around gender-based disparities.
2. Equitable Performance Evaluations: Employers should standardize evaluation criteria to ensure promotions and leadership opportunities are based on merit, not gender.
3. Salary Transparency: Open conversations about pay equity can reduce wage gaps and empower women to negotiate fair salaries.
4. Sponsorship Over Mentorship: Women benefit from strong sponsorship rather than just mentorship. Sponsors actively advocate for women, helping them secure leadership roles.
5. Inclusive Work Policies: Encouraging equal parental leave for adults, and ensuring flexible work arrangements benefit all employees equally, can combat traditional stereotypes.

Using Assertiveness in the Workplace to Counter the Double-Standard

Being assertive in the workplace can be a powerful tool for advocating for yourself and making your voice heard. However, it also comes with certain risks, especially for women or individuals from underrepresented groups. Here are some potential challenges:

• Perceived Aggressiveness – While assertiveness is encouraged, it can sometimes be misinterpreted as aggression or pushiness, particularly when societal norms expect people to be more accommodating.
• Resistance from Colleagues – Some coworkers may not respond well to assertive communication, especially if they are accustomed to more passive behavior. This can lead to tension in professional relationships.
• Backlash in Leadership – Women in leadership roles who are assertive may face criticism that their male counterparts do not. For instance, they might be perceived as “difficult” or “too demanding” rather than confident and decisive.
• Higher Scrutiny – Assertive individuals may be held to a higher standard, expected to continually prove their worth. This can mean facing extra scrutiny in performance evaluations or workplace interactions.
• Pushback from Supervisors – Some managers may feel uncomfortable with direct or firm communication, especially if it challenges their decisions. Assertiveness can lead to resistance from leadership in certain environments.

How Can We Address These Double Standards?

1. Unconscious Bias Training: Companies must actively educate employees about implicit biases and create awareness around gender-based disparities.
2. Equitable Performance Evaluations: Employers should standardize evaluation criteria to ensure promotions and leadership opportunities are based on merit, not gender.
3. Salary Transparency: Open conversations about pay equity can reduce wage gaps and empower women to negotiate fair salaries.
4. Sponsorship Over Mentorship: Women benefit from strong sponsorship rather than just mentorship. Sponsors actively advocate for women, helping them secure leadership roles.
5. Inclusive Work Policies: Encouraging equal parental leave for adults, and ensuring flexible work arrangements benefit all employees equally, can combat traditional stereotypes.

Final Thoughts

The double standard in the workplace is a significant roadblock to gender equality. While progress has been made, persistent biases continue to limit women’s opportunities. Businesses must take an active stance in dismantling these inequities, fostering environments where women can thrive without unfair judgment or additional barriers.

By addressing these challenges, workplaces can cultivate stronger, more diverse leadership and create a fairer professional landscape for all.

Assertiveness remains a crucial skill. When balanced with emotional intelligence and strategic communication, it can lead to stronger career growth and workplace impact. Have you ever found yourself needing to navigate these dynamics in your own experience? Do you think you would benefit from personalized self- discovery sessions offered by Woman Super Powers in Ontario?

 

 

© D’vorah Elias 2025
womansuperpowers.com

I think I have had anxiety almost my entire life, and it began when I was about 7 years old. But first, I want to back up a bit because this story began long before my seventh birthday. As a child, I was told that I was adopted from a very early age. I think it was because my parents wanted to reinforce for me that I was a very wanted child. My mother had surgery when she was very young, at about the age of  21 years and she lost one of her ovaries because of it. My father was later diagnosed with a low sperm count, and these two combined factors meant they were unable to have a child. They both desperately wanted a child, though, and so they decided to adopt. They chose me, a half-Korean, half-Caucasian baby half-way around the world, because I looked like a natural child they might have conceived would resemble. I know they meant well, but knowing that I had been rejected by my birth mother caused a huge amount of panic and anxiety in me. I thought that I must have been a very “bad baby” for my own mother to send me away. This preyed on my mind relentlessly in a roundabout way and nearly drove me mad as I tried to figure out what I had to do to be the very “best little girl” so my new parents would keep me and never send me away, too.

My Dad was a Nisei, a second-generation Japanese, born in Hawaii, grew up under a dictatorial, abusive mother who badgered him and beat him every day. He learned that love was conditional and carried those parenting skills into his fatherhood. From a very early age, I knew that no matter what I did, I could never measure up; I would always make some kind of mistake or disappoint him in one way or another. I have been thinking about this, trying to pinpoint exactly when my anxiety formally started.

I have a very vivid memory of being at Suzy Snider’s birthday party. We were in her parents’ backyard running a potato race, you know the game: you have a potato balanced on a large soup spoon and you are tasked with running the gauntlet (in this case to the fence) and back without dropping the potato. My father stands in the corner of the yard, and after I dropped my potato three times, he advances toward me, yelling. “Pick it up! Pick it up!” I turn to face him and am astounded by the look of pure rage on his face, his eyes bulging,  the vein on his neck throbbing. I bend down, pick up the potato, put it back on the spoon, and start off again. It falls to the ground. Again, he screams at me, “Pick it up! Pick it up!”  I freeze for a moment, then dutifully retrieve the potato and put it back onto the spoon, my hand shaking. I am aware of my face burning with humiliation and shame.

This scene repeats another three or four times until finally, I collapse on the ground, in a puddle of tears and fury. My father comes and stands glowering above me. “You didn’t do a very good job,” he says. I can only nod my head in defeat and continue sobbing.

Variations of this scenario repeated themselves often during my childhood, but I had conveniently forgotten most of those memories. It has only been recently, as I have been examining my lifelong struggle with my anxiety, that I have resurrected them. They are still painful and cause me to feel so much less than the woman I am today, it takes my breath away.

Anxiety is the unwanted gift that keeps on giving again and again

What began as a simple failure to win a race later became an almost unattainable battle to please my father. He was an angry, unforgiving man, and he did not suffer my foolishness or ineptness lightly. Whenever I disappoint him, no matter how insignificantly, his frown would crowd out everything else in my vision, and all I could see was his scowl. I wore this shame like a badge that only a firstborn daughter can bear. And once I had failed in his eyes, there was no way to reclaim my honour, no redemption. It became a very heavy burden to bear.

Fast forward to high school

I transferred to the local high school from parochial school along with my group of six close girlfriends. It was a relatively smooth transition, and we all settled into our new environment easily. I soon became involved with a theatre group that was located across town and busied myself with attending rehearsals and meeting people in that new community. Then one day, my world collapsed when I arrived at school one morning.

We don’t want to be friends with you anymore

I was told that my group of girlfriends no longer wanted to be friends with me. “What?” I simply could not understand why this was happening. They told me that they thought I had become very egotistical and “too big for my britches,” and they were finished with me. This rendered me to a status of persona non grata. They stopped talking to me, even stopped looking at me or acknowledging me in the halls. I was devastated. Once again, I thought it was because I was simply “not good enough,” because apparently, I was not good enough for them anymore. This was internalized as a profound failure on my part, and I sank into a deep depression.

My anxiety went undiagnosed for years. In fact, it wasn’t diagnosed until I was well into my fifties. At that point, I was put on medication to which I soon became addicted, and that was another problem I did not need.

In the intervening years, I met and married my husband, and we had four children together, but my anxiety always simmered on the back burner. It paralyzed me in ways I never knew it could. It kept me from being a good mother because I worried about everything about raising my children. As they grew older, the noise and constant tumult in the house sent me into a tizzy as I strove to control it, and my anxiety spilled out all over my family. I made everyone miserable by cracking the whip to try to keep the house clean. It was a losing battle, but I could not see that for years. The damage I did to my children because of it was enormous.

Anxiety steals your past and your future. I have learned that the only way to not lose myself in the tangles of my anxious mind is to stay firmly rooted in the present, and that is why I practice mindfulness. Mindfulness not only saved me, but it also became my lifeline. Today, my anxiety is mostly under control, or I should say that I manage it much better. It no longer controls my life like it used to. I have learned to live with it and, in some ways, have learned how to make it work for me. By that, I mean I use it to channel my physical energy in different ways: because  I use the energy I get from the adrenaline to fuel my writing and my gardening. It feels good to take that energy and transform it into positive outlets in ways that were never possible for me back in the “bad old days.” My anxiety will probably always be with me, but it doesn’t feel like a demon that is hiding in the back of my closet ready to jump out and devour me when I least expect it. As time went by one of the biggest problems I developed with my anxiety was actually having anxiety about anxiety. I mean, having anxiety because I was constantly worried about when the next anxiety event would occur, how it would manifest and whether or not I would be able to survive it. There were so many times, I was convinced it was going to kill me in the middle of the night. Now, I am able to have a reasonably “normal” life because I no longer have to be on constant lookout for the next big anxiety attack. Having this freedom is a blessing, one that I am fully able to appreciate.

 

 

 

© D’vorah Elias 2025

womansuperpowers.com

 

 

Why would a grown up woman want to reparent herself

What is Reparenting?

Reparenting is a process where an adult takes on the role of a nurturing parent to themselves. Here are some reasons why a grown woman might want to reparent herself:

1. Healing from Past Trauma: If you experienced neglect, abuse, or other forms of trauma during childhood, reparenting can help you address and heal those wounds.
2. Building Self-Esteem: Reparenting can help you develop a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence by providing the love and validation you may not have received as a child.
3. Developing Healthy Boundaries: It can teach you how to set and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships, which is crucial for emotional well-being.
4. Improving Emotional Regulation: By learning to soothe and comfort yourself, you can better manage your emotions and reduce anxiety or depression.
5. Fostering Self-Compassion: Reparenting encourages self-compassion and kindness, helping you to treat yourself with the same care and understanding you would offer to others.

It’s a powerful way to take control of one’s emotional health and create a more fulfilling life. Does this resonate with you or someone you know?

What are the steps involved in reparenting yourself as an adult

Reparenting yourself as an adult involves several thoughtful and intentional steps. Here’s a guide to help you get started:

1. Self-Awareness: Begin by recognizing the areas where you feel neglected or wounded. Reflect on your childhood experiences and identify patterns that affect your current behavior and emotions.
2. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your feelings without judgment and offering yourself the same empathy you would give to a friend.
3. Setting Boundaries: Learn to establish healthy boundaries in your relationships. Learn to embrace the freedom having healthy boundaries gives you. This involves understanding your limits and communicating them clearly to others.
4. Nurturing Activities: Engage in activities that promote self-care and well-being. This could include hobbies, exercise, meditation, or anything that makes you feel nurtured and cared for.
5. Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Encourage yourself with words of support and validation.
6. Seeking Support: Sometimes, reparenting can be challenging to do alone. Consider seeking support from a therapist, a Life Coach, or joining support groups where you can share your experiences and learn from others.
7. Consistency: Be consistent in your efforts. Reparenting is a gradual process that requires ongoing commitment and practice.
8. Celebrating Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Recognize the positive changes and growth you experience along the way.

By following these steps, you can create a nurturing environment for yourself and foster emotional healing and growth. Is there a particular area you’d like to focus on or need more information about?

Is it easy to do?

Reparenting yourself can be challenging, but it is achievable with patience and commitment. Here are a few factors to consider:

1. Emotional Work: It involves deep emotional work, which can be difficult and sometimes uncomfortable. Confronting past wounds and changing long-standing patterns takes time and effort. Recognize that this is a process and won’t be achieved overnight. Give yourself permission to step away from the process if it is becoming too difficult. Doing this is not a “ failure,” it is an act of self-care and self-love.
2. Consistency: Like any form of self-improvement, consistency is key. Regularly practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and engaging in nurturing activities require dedication.
3. Support: Having support can make the process easier. Whether it’s from a therapist, a Life Coach, a support group, or trusted friends, having someone to talk to can provide encouragement and guidance. These people can also help you maintain perspective on what you are doing.
4. Patience: Be patient with yourself. Progress might be slow, and there will be setbacks, but each step forward is valuable.

While it may not be easy, the benefits of reparenting yourself, such as improved self-esteem, better emotional regulation, and healthier relationships, make it a worthwhile endeavor. If you have any specific concerns or need advice on a particular aspect, feel free to ask!

What are common setbacks in reparenting?

Reparenting yourself can be a transformative journey, but it’s not without its challenges. Here are some common setbacks people might encounter:

1. Resistance to Change: Old habits and thought patterns can be deeply ingrained, making it difficult to adopt new behaviors and perspectives. Expect this to occur and be prepared to challenge these things when they arise. Doing that will help you continue to grow during the journey.
2. Emotional Overwhelm: Confronting past traumas and emotional wounds can be overwhelming and may trigger intense feelings of sadness, anger, or anxiety.
3. Self-Doubt: Doubting your ability to change or feeling unworthy of self-compassion can hinder progress. Negative self-talk can be a significant barrier. When you experience this, again, challenge the thought and question why you are having them.
4. Inconsistent Effort: Maintaining consistency in self-care practices and boundary-setting can be challenging, especially during stressful times.
5. Lack of Support: Without adequate support from friends, family, or professionals, the process can feel isolating and more difficult to navigate.
6. Impatience: Expecting quick results can lead to frustration. Reparenting is a gradual process, and impatience can cause discouragement.
7. Relapse into Old Patterns: It’s common to fall back into old behaviors, especially when faced with stress or triggers. Recognizing this as part of the journey rather than a failure is crucial.

Understanding these setbacks can help you prepare for them and develop strategies to overcome them. Remember, progress is often non-linear, and each step forward, no matter how small, is valuable. If you need specific advice or support, I’m here to help!

Would it be beneficial to have help from a Life Coach in this process?

A life coach can be very beneficial in the reparenting process. Here’s how they can help:

1. Guidance and Structure: A life coach can provide a structured approach to reparenting, helping you set clear goals and develop a step-by-step plan.
2. Accountability: They can hold you accountable for your progress, ensuring you stay consistent with your efforts and encouraging you to keep moving forward.
3. Support and Encouragement: Having someone to offer support and encouragement can make the journey less isolating and more manageable.
4. Tools and Techniques: Life coaches often have a variety of tools and techniques to help you manage emotions, set boundaries, and practice self-compassion effectively.
5. Perspective: They can offer an objective perspective, helping you see things more clearly and identify areas for improvement that you might not notice on your own.
6. Motivation: A life coach can help keep you motivated, especially during challenging times, by reminding you of your progress and the benefits of reparenting.

If you feel that having a life coach would be helpful, it might be worth exploring this option. Do you have any specific goals or areas you’d like to focus on with a life coach?

How will I know if I am doing this correctly?

Knowing if you’re reparenting yourself correctly can be gauged by observing positive changes in your emotional and mental well-being. Here are some signs that indicate you’re on the right track:

1. Improved Self-Esteem: You start feeling more confident and have a better sense of self-worth.
2. Better Emotional Regulation: You find it easier to manage your emotions and respond to stress in healthier ways.
3. Healthier Relationships: Your relationships improve as you set and maintain healthy boundaries.
4. Increased Self-Compassion: You treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times.
5. Consistent Self-Care: You regularly engage in activities that nurture and care for yourself.
6. Positive Self-Talk: You notice a shift from negative self-talk to more positive and affirming thoughts.
7. Resilience: You feel more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges.

Remember, progress can be gradual and non-linear. It’s important to celebrate small victories and be patient with yourself.

1. Improved Self-Esteem: You start feeling more confident and have a better sense of self-worth.
2. Better Emotional Regulation: You find it easier to manage your emotions and respond to stress in healthier ways.
3. Healthier Relationships: Your relationships improve as you set and maintain healthy boundaries.
4. Increased Self-Compassion: You treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times.
5. Consistent Self-Care: You regularly engage in activities that nurture and care for yourself.
6. Positive Self-Talk: You notice a shift from negative self-talk to more positive and affirming thoughts.
7. Resilience: You feel more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges.

Knowing if you’re reparenting yourself correctly can be gauged by observing positive changes in your emotional and mental well-being. Here are some signs that indicate you’re on the right track:

Remember, progress can be gradual and non-linear. It’s important to celebrate small victories and be patient with yourself. If you ever feel uncertain, seeking feedback from a therapist or life coach can provide additional Are there any specific skills required to do this work?

Reparenting yourself involves developing several key skills that can help you navigate the process effectively. Here are some important ones:

1. Self-Awareness: The ability to recognize and understand your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. This helps you identify areas that need healing and growth.
2. Self-Compassion: Practicing kindness and understanding towards yourself, especially during challenging times. This skill helps you treat yourself with the same care you offer to others.
3. Emotional Regulation: Managing and responding to your emotions in healthy ways. Techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, and journaling can be helpful.
4. Boundary Setting: Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships. This involves knowing your limits and communicating them clearly.
5. Positive Self-Talk: Replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations and encouraging thoughts. This helps build self-esteem and resilience.
6. Consistency: Being consistent in your self-care practices and efforts to nurture yourself. Regularly engaging in activities that promote well-being is crucial.
7. Seeking Support: Knowing when to seek help from others, whether it’s a therapist, life coach, or support group. This skill ensures you have the necessary support and guidance.
8. Patience: Being patient with yourself and understanding that progress takes time. Celebrating small victories and recognizing gradual improvements is important.

Developing these skills can make the reparenting process more effective and rewarding. If you need any tips or resources to build these skills, feel free to ask!

Accepting that change isn’t a  linear process

Change isn’t a linear process because it involves complex and dynamic factors. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Human Nature: People are inherently complex, with emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that can fluctuate. This variability means progress can be inconsistent.
2. External Influences: Life circumstances, such as stress, relationships, and unexpected events, can impact your ability to maintain consistent progress.
3. Learning and Growth: Change often involves learning new skills and unlearning old habits. This process can include setbacks and relapses as you practice and refine these skills.
4. Emotional Healing: Healing from past wounds and trauma can be unpredictable. Emotions can resurface at different times, requiring ongoing attention and care.
5. Adaptation: As you change, you may need to adapt to new situations and challenges. This adaptation can cause temporary disruptions in your progress.
6. Patience and Persistence: Real, lasting change takes time and effort. It’s natural to experience difficulties along the way. Understanding that change is a non-linear journey can help you be more patient and compassionate with yourself. Each step, even if it feels like a setback, is part of the overall process of growth and improvement. How do you feel about navigating these ups and downs?

© D’vorah Elias 2025

womansuperpowers.com

 

Anxiety is often viewed as a personal struggle—an internal storm of worry, fear, and overthinking. But what many people don’t realize is that anxiety doesn’t stay confined within the mind of the person experiencing it. It spills over, subtly and sometimes destructively, into their relationships with others. Whether it’s with a partner, friend, family member, or colleague, anxiety can quietly erode the foundation of trust, communication, and emotional safety that relationships depend on.

In this article, I will delve into the hidden ways anxiety can damage interpersonal relationships, often without either party fully understanding what’s happening. By bringing these patterns to light, I will address them with compassion, awareness, and healthier coping strategies.

1. Overthinking and Misinterpretation

One of the most insidious effects of anxiety is the tendency to overanalyze interactions. A simple text message with a period at the end might be interpreted as anger. A delayed response can cause an anxious person to spiral into fears of abandonment. This hypervigilance leads to misinterpretations that create unnecessary tension for everyone involved: the anxious person and their significant other.

When someone with anxiety constantly questions the motives, tone, or intentions of others, it can lead to accusations, defensiveness, or withdrawal. Over time, this erodes trust and makes open communication difficult.

Example: A friend cancels plans last minute. Instead of accepting the explanation, the anxious person might ruminate: “Did I do something wrong? Are they avoiding me? Do they even like me anymore?” These thoughts can lead to passive-aggressive behavior or emotional distancing.

The bottom line is that people need other people, and relationships are predicated on trust. Anxious people often have huge issues with trust because of their anxious attachment style, and, over time, through no fault of their own, this inherent mistrust can destroy an interpersonal relationship.

 

2. Need for Constant Reassurance

Anxiety often drives people to seek reassurance to calm their fears. While occasional reassurance is normal in any relationship, chronic reassurance-seeking can become exhausting for the other person. For the non-anxious person, it can quickly escalate from a mild annoyance to feeling outright hostility, and that may make a relationship with the anxious person intolerable.

This might look like

• Frequently asking, “Are you mad at me?”
• Needing repeated affirmations of love or loyalty
• Doubting compliments or positive feedback

Over time, this dynamic can create an imbalance where one person feels responsible for managing the other’s emotional state, leading to resentment or emotional burnout.

 

3. Avoidance of Conflict

Many people with anxiety fear confrontation because it triggers intense discomfort. As a result, they may avoid addressing issues, suppress their needs, or agree to things they don’t want to do just to keep the peace. This can be interpreted by the non-anxious person as passive-aggressive behavior and cause people to turn away from their anxious friends.

While this might seem like a way to maintain harmony, it often leads to unspoken resentment, unmet needs, and emotional distance. Avoiding conflict doesn’t make problems disappear—it just buries them until they resurface in more damaging ways.

 

4. Control and Perfectionism

Anxiety thrives on control because an anxiety-prone person has to keep their world well-ordered to feel safe. People who are anxious often can not tolerate ambiguity or emotional disorder. When someone feels internally chaotic, they may try to control their external environment, including other people, to feel safer. This can manifest as micromanaging, setting rigid expectations, or becoming overly critical.

In relationships, this can feel suffocating. The partner or friend may feel like they’re walking on eggshells, constantly trying to meet impossible standards. This dynamic can stifle authenticity and spontaneity, replacing connection with performance.

 

5. Emotional Reactivity

Anxiety can heighten emotional sensitivity, making small issues feel overwhelming. A minor disagreement might trigger a disproportionate emotional response—tears, anger, or withdrawal—because it taps into deeper fears of rejection or inadequacy.

This emotional volatility can make relationships feel unstable for all involved, and this was certainly the case for my husband as I was trying to keep everything in control. He often felt like he was walking on eggshells, which put him in a constant state of having to brace for the next emotional storm, which ultimately led him to emotionally distance himself from me as a way to keep himself safe from my inner turmoil.

 

6. Hyper-Independence or Clinginess

Anxiety can push people to opposite extremes in how they relate to others. Some become hyper-independent, fearing vulnerability or rejection, and avoid relying on others altogether. Others become overly dependent, clinging to relationships for a sense of safety and identity. Both extremes can strain relationships. Hyper-independence can make others feel shut out or unneeded, while clinginess can feel overwhelming and suffocating.

 

7. Negative Self-Talk and Projection

People with anxiety often struggle with negative self-perceptions: “I’m not good enough,” “I’m a burden,” and “They’ll leave me eventually.” These beliefs can be projected onto others, leading to assumptions that others see them the same way.

This projection can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If someone believes they’re unlovable, they may act in ways that push others away, then interpret the distance as proof of their unworthiness.

 

8. Difficulty Being Present

Anxiety pulls people into the future or keeps them tethered to the past —worrying about what might happen, what could go wrong, or how they’ll be perceived. This makes it hard to be fully present in the moment, which is essential for deep connection.

In conversations, this might look like distractedness, difficulty listening, or being preoccupied with internal thoughts. Over time, this can make others feel unseen or unimportant. As hard as it is on the anxious person, it can be equally difficult for the non-anxious person because it can feel like trying to have a relationship with a ghost.

 

9. Fear of Vulnerability

True intimacy requires vulnerability—sharing fears, dreams, insecurities, and desires. But for someone with anxiety, vulnerability feels dangerous. They may fear judgment, rejection, or being misunderstood. They may fear being abandoned by their non-anxious friend. They may both desire emotional intimacy while being terribly afraid of it at the same time, and this kind of ambiguity causes even more anxiety for them because they are thrust into a no-win situation, which causes fear and becomes a vicious cycle of anxious rumination.

As a result, they may keep others at arm’s length, only showing a curated version of themselves. This limits the depth of connection and can leave both people feeling lonely, even in close relationships.

 

10. Sabotaging Healthy Relationships

Ironically, anxiety can cause people to sabotage the very relationships they value and crave the most. When things are going well, the anxious mind might whisper, “This is too good to be true,” or “They’ll leave eventually.” This fear can cause them to test the relationship, pick fights, or withdraw emotionally—all in an unconscious attempt to protect themself from future pain. Unfortunately, these behaviors often create the very outcomes the person fears.

 

Healing the Impact of Anxiety on Relationships

The good news is that awareness is the first step toward change. Here are some ways to begin healing the impact of anxiety on your relationships:

1. Practice Self-Awareness

Notice your anxious thoughts and how they influence your behavior. Journaling, mindfulness, or therapy can help you identify patterns and triggers. When you become aware of a dysfunctional behavior because of your anxiety, challenge it and ask yourself what you are afraid of in that particular moment. Is it a realistic fear? Can you ask for feedback from the other person about what they are saying or the behavior they are displaying? This will help you gauge their intent.

2. Communicate Openly

Let others know when you’re feeling anxious and how it might be affecting your behavior. Honest communication builds trust and reduces misunderstandings. This may be very difficult because it requires vulnerability, but openness in communication is the best way to build trust with another person.

3. Challenge Anxious Thoughts

Ask yourself, “Is this thought based on evidence or fear?” Learning to question and reframe anxious thinking can reduce its power over your actions.

4. Develop Coping Strategies

Breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and regular self-care can help regulate your nervous system and reduce emotional reactivity. Practicing mindfulness is one of the best tools against anxiety because it keeps you solidly rooted in the present moment.

5. Seek Professional Support

Therapists, especially those trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), can provide tools to manage anxiety and improve relational patterns. I also teach anxiety reduction strategies.

 

Final Thoughts

Anxiety doesn’t make someone a bad partner, friend, or family member. It simply means they’re carrying a heavy emotional load that sometimes spills into their relationships. With compassion, self-awareness, and support, it’s entirely possible to build strong, healthy connections—even with anxiety in the mix.

Understanding how anxiety operates in relationships is not about blame—it’s about empowerment. When we recognize the hidden ways anxiety affects our interactions, we can begin to show up more fully, love more deeply, and connect more authentically.

© D’vorah Elias 2025

womansuperpowers.com