Self-compassion is a journey. It is one of those deeply personal practices that, while it is meant to be about kindness and gentleness towards oneself, often requires the most honest and challenging internal work. Like many, my understanding of self-compassion started as a vague notion—an idea I’d heard about in wellness circles but one that took time to fully comprehend and learn how to practice. As I embarked on this journey, I began to realize that self-compassion is not just a one-time event; it is a daily practice, a mindset shift, and a transformation of how we relate to ourselves. It is also one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves.

In this essay, I reflect on the significant lessons I have learned from practicing self-compassion and how it has impacted various aspects of my life—emotionally, mentally, and even physically. This will also shed light on why I teach this skill as one of my core skills in my life coaching business.

1. Understanding Self-Compassion: What It Truly Means

One of the first things I learned is that self-compassion goes far beyond simply being “nice” to oneself. Initially, I assumed self-compassion meant indulging in comfort when I felt down or giving myself permission to avoid hard situations. However, the more I practiced, the more I realized that true self-compassion encompasses three key components: self-kindness, mindfulness, and a sense of common humanity.

Self-kindness is about treating ourselves with the same gentleness and care that we would offer a friend. It’s acknowledging that it’s okay to not be perfect and that we deserve love and kindness, even when we make mistakes. Mindfulness, on the other hand, involves being aware of our present emotions without judging them. It’s easy to get caught up in a cycle of self-criticism when we feel upset, but mindfulness allows us to observe our emotions as they are, without adding layers of negativity. Finally, recognizing our common humanity is about understanding that we are not alone in our struggles. Everyone experiences pain, failure, and hardship, and realizing this helps alleviate feelings of isolation or shame.

What struck me most was that self-compassion isn’t passive. It’s not about avoidance or staying comfortable. Instead, it’s an active practice that involves facing our challenges head-on with kindness, understanding, and the courage to keep moving forward.

2. The Power of Being Gentle with Myself

One of the profound lessons I’ve learned through self-compassion is the importance of gentleness. Our inner critic can be ruthless, and for many years, I let that voice dictate how I viewed myself. Whenever I failed at something, my mind would immediately jump to harsh self-judgments: “You’re not good enough,” or “You’ll never succeed.” Over time, this internal dialogue took a toll on my self-esteem, making me feel small and inadequate. This was one of the biggest things I struggled with because it had become such an ingrained habit. I constantly berated myself for the smallest “failure” not able to give myself even the least amount of grace. Breaking this self-destructive habit took determined patience and attention. It was by far the most difficult part of the journey for me but became one of the most rewarding as time passed.

However, self-compassion also  offered a different approach. I learned to soften my inner voice, to replace the harshness with kindness. When I stumbled or made mistakes, instead of chastising myself, I began to ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” This simple question became a lifeline, allowing me to shift from criticism to support. I realized that beating myself up never led to better outcomes. In fact, it often made things worse by increasing stress and self-doubt. I learned that being gentle with myself didn’t mean lowering my standards or excusing poor behaviour. It meant accepting that I am human, that mistakes are part of growth, and that I can learn and improve without tearing myself down in the process. I learned how to say, “I did that wrong, but I am learning how to do things differently now.” Adding the conjunction in the middle of the sentence made all the difference to a self-critical mind.

3. Self-Compassion as a Path to Emotional Resilience

Practicing self-compassion has had a transformative impact on my emotional resilience. In the past, I had often struggled with feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions—anger, sadness, and frustration. These feelings would often linger, and I’d feel powerless in their grip. I would judge myself for feeling this way, thinking I should be stronger or more in control. This only made things worse, amplifying my emotional pain. Over time, I learned how to remove the word “should” from my vocabulary when it came to talking about my humanness. It was such a liberating experience for me because it allowed me to be softer with and more accepting of myself.

Self-compassion introduced me to the idea of holding space for my emotions without judgment. I learned that it’s okay to feel upset, that emotions are a natural response to life’s challenges, and that they don’t define my worth or ability to cope. This mindset shift allowed me to face difficult emotions with greater courage and patience. Instead of pushing them away or getting caught up in them, I could acknowledge my feelings, offer myself compassion, and gradually find my way through them. Being able to notice feelings/emotions without making a judgement is the heart of mindfulness. Learning how to practice mindfulness allowed me to get my horrible anxiety under control and that has given me peace, both inward and outward.

The more I practiced this, the more I noticed a change in how I dealt with setbacks. Instead of feeling crushed by disappointment, I began to see challenges as opportunities for growth. I could offer myself kindness in moments of failure, which made it easier to bounce back and try again. In this way, self-compassion has become a powerful tool for building emotional resilience.

4. Letting Go of Perfectionism

Perfectionism has always been a major obstacle in my life. The constant pressure to meet impossibly high standards left me feeling exhausted and anxious. Whether it was in work, relationships, or personal goals, I felt that anything less than perfection meant I wasn’t good enough. Over time, this mindset led to a lot of stress and burnout, as I could never truly rest or be satisfied with my efforts. One of the greatest gifts of self-compassion has been the ability to let go of perfectionism. I realized that striving for perfection was a form of self-criticism in disguise—a way of telling myself that I wasn’t enough as I was. Self-compassion helped me understand that I don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love and acceptance. It’s okay to make mistakes, to have off days, and to not have everything figured out.

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean I no longer care about doing my best. Instead, it means recognizing that my worth isn’t tied to my achievements. I can still work towards my goals, but now I do so with a sense of balance and inner  kindness, which allows me the  room to grow and make mistakes along the way.

5. Connecting with Others through Shared Humanity

One of the most surprising lessons I’ve learned from self-compassion is how it deepened my connection with others. At first glance, self-compassion might seem like a practice focused solely on the self, but I quickly realized that it also enhances my relationships with those around me. By acknowledging my own struggles and imperfections with kindness, I became more empathetic toward others. I could see that, just like me, everyone is facing their own battles. One of the tenets of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy is that we believe and acknowledge that everyone is always doing their best.  This awareness fostered a sense of compassion not only for myself but for those around me. I became less judgmental, more patient, and more understanding of the imperfections of others. Recognizing our shared humanity also helped me let go of the fear of judgment. I no longer felt the need to hide my flaws or pretend to have it all together. I could be more authentic in my interactions, which in turn invited others to do the same. Self-compassion created a sense of belonging, reminding me that we are all in this together, navigating the ups and downs of life.

6. The Role of Self-Compassion in Mental and Physical Health

Self-compassion has not only improved my emotional well-being but also my mental and physical health. I began to notice that when I treated myself with kindness, I felt less stressed and anxious. My sleep improved, and I had more energy to engage in activities that nourished my body and mind. This wasn’t just a coincidence. Research shows that self-compassion can reduce stress, lower cortisol levels, and even boost immune function.

Mentally, practicing  self-compassion has helped me break free from the cycle of negative thinking. I used to get stuck in ruminating over past mistakes or worrying about the future which was a theme of my terrible anxiety. This constant mental chatter drained my energy and made it difficult to focus on the present. Through self-compassion, I learned to quiet this inner dialogue. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, I could gently remind myself that it’s okay to not have all the answers, and that I’m doing the best I can.

This shift in perspective has been incredibly liberating. I feel more at peace with myself, and I’m able to approach life’s challenges with a sense of calm and clarity. In many ways, self-compassion has become a cornerstone of my overall well-being.

7. Learning to Embrace Vulnerability

A critical aspect of practicing self-compassion has been learning to embrace vulnerability. For much of my life, I believed that vulnerability was a weakness—that showing my true feelings or admitting when I was struggling would make me appear less capable. This fear of vulnerability led me to put up emotional walls, keeping others at a distance and trying to handle everything on my own. This behaviour isolated me both socially and emotionally and caused me to be even harder on myself and wondering why it seemed that no one liked me.

Through self-compassion, I’ve come to see vulnerability in a new light. I realized that being open about my struggles doesn’t make me weak; it makes me human. It’s in those moments of vulnerability that we connect most deeply with ourselves and others. Self-compassion has taught me that it’s okay to ask for help, to admit when things are hard, and to allow myself to be seen in my full humanity.

This lesson has been both freeing and empowering. By embracing vulnerability, I’ve been able to foster deeper connections with others and create a more authentic relationship with myself. I no longer feel the need to hide behind a façade of perfection. Instead, I can show up as I am, flaws and all, and know that I am still worthy of love and compassion.

Conclusion: The Ongoing Journey of Self-Compassion

Practicing self-compassion has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. It has reshaped the way I see myself, how I handle challenges, and how I relate to others. The journey of self-compassion is not always easy because it requires deep self-reflection and consistent practice along with  a willingness to confront difficult emotions—but the rewards are immense.

I’ve learned that self-compassion is not about avoiding pain or discomfort. It’s learning to love yourself enough to extend a helping hand to yourself when needed. It’s learning how to stop turning your back on yourself when the chips are down.

© D’vorah Elias 2025

womansuperpowers.com

 

Photo courtesy of Pexels: Roman Odintsov

Sometimes our feelings can be hard to uncover, and our thoughts can become jumbled when trying to put them into spoken words. The written word has a way of providing understanding in cases like this.

Expressing our feelings in writing can reveal an understanding of things we have not yet been able to see for ourselves.

We live in a world full of noise, constant pressure to achieve, and problems that sometimes feel unremitting and inescapable. 

All these things can feel utterly overwhelming at times, and when this is happening, the quiet hush of paper can provide the most powerful form of therapy. Journaling isn’t just writing down what comes to mind after a hard day.

It’s homecoming.

It takes all those troubling thoughts that whirl around your head and transforms them into something.

You can hold, look over, and take your time to understand them in a new, more cogent manner because it gives you some breathing room.

Its very presence becomes a place where your inner world can breathe, unravel, and be seen—without judgment.

Why Journaling Works Like Emotional Alchemy

There is something magical about writing down what is inside us.

Neuroscience shows the brain processes logic and emotion like physical signals —like internal dials that are too loud or out of tune. 

Through journaling, these inner conversations can make sense of things we’ve buried or blurred.

When you write things down:

You slow your thoughts (and stop the spirals that can lead to anxiety or depression).

You create emotional distance, like stepping 5km away from a burning fire instead of standing too close to the flames.

You give your subconscious a voice—one that too often goes unheard.

You can’t erase mistakes with journaling, but you can create something new.

And this kind of honesty, when practiced daily, brings freedom from the suffering of the mind.

Here is how to get started.

Step 1: Get Honest About What You Feel

The first step in using journaling for emotional clarity is to simply allow yourself to feel.

Everything —not just what feels tidy or socially acceptable.

Ask yourself:

What’s really going on in my heart today?

What am I avoiding?

What am I tired of carrying?

Write what feels anguished, raw, messy, or even contradictory.

Don’t hold back. Let the real YOU spill out. That’s where the gold lies.

Use this prompt:

“You have ten minutes. What do you feel most at this moment?”

As you practice, you’ll begin revealing your emotions more precisely.

Try this:

1. Instead of saying “something feels wrong,” use language like “resentful.” Different words unlock deeper truths.

2. Instead of “I’m feeling pretty good,” say “I feel numb” or “There’s quiet here.”

Ask yourself:

What emotion matters to me the most today?

And once you name it, ask what it needs.

That’s how you move from overwhelmed to empowered.

Step 2: Begin the Journey of Self-Discovery

Carve out stillness in your day—not to react to the past, but to connect with your future.

This is where self-discovery begins.

Use prompts that feel like gentle doorways rather than forceful questions.

Challenge your assumptions. Break the grip of limiting beliefs.

Let your desires rise to the surface.

Some of my favorites:

What limiting belief am I ready to let go of today?

What truth have I not admitted to myself?

What makes me feel most alive?

What would I tell my younger self at this moment?

What would my future self tell me now?

Write what’s real, not what you think is right.

Don’t be afraid of the “wrong” answer. Just write what’s natural at this moment. In this kind of exercise, there are no right or wrong answers.

Step 3: Reframe the narrative.

As the emotional dust begins to settle, journaling becomes the place where you can rewrite the script of your life.

You begin to tell better stories about and to yourself —ones where you’re not the victim of yesterday, but the author of your new, improved tomorrow.

That’s where healing begins.

Try this:

Write a letter to your younger self, filled with compassion.

Write a letter from your future self, filled with wisdom.

Rewrite a painful moment from your life—but this time, tell it from a place of power.

This is no longer just journaling. This is changing the story in your mind, which will repeat every single time you start to think of where you are headed. Time to embrace it and begin.

© D’vorah Elias 2025

womansuperpowers.com