What in the world does self-love have to do with anxiety and how women manage their anxiety or rather don’t manage it? It’s a good question, and the answer is not apparent on the surface, So sit back and pour yourself a cup of Joe because this is going to be a complicated (but interesting) read. Trust me on this.
A woman’s ability to sincerely love herself is all tangled up in socialization. Women are conditioned from a very early age to take care of everyone — but themselves, that is. We are also conditioned to be highly critical of ourselves and place very high value on our appearance and how we are viewed by others. These so-called “values” which are instilled in us during childhood drive our anxiety very handily because we are also subject to the sometimes extreme harsh criticism of others based on how we behave, how we look, what we say, our level of education and the kind of job we hold. Stay with me here. But what most of us don’t realize is this: for many women, the very thought of being judged by others on this type of criteria can be enough to provoke an anxiety attack because being judged by anyone is very intimidating. It is also extremely invalidating and causes most of us to feel like we always have to prove ourselves and our worth to the world at large. The threat is that we are being evaluated on things over which we only have limited control and that can be highly menacing. The problem becomes when we internalize these judgments within ourselves and begin to incorporate them in the way we see/view ourselves. When that happens, we essentially take over the job of the external “judger” and become our own worst critic.
When you love yourself, you are much less likely to not be threatened by such judgment of others because you are more secure in who you are as an individual and how you feel about yourself. Thus, people who love themselves tend to have fewer issues with anxiety. They don’t take these insignificant words or looks laid upon them by others and use them to judge themselves.
If you don’t know how to love yourself, is it possible to learn? Yes, but it may feel overwhelming when considering where to start. This is where mindfulness plays an important part. And this is exactly why mindfulness is the foundation of the skills we teach at Woman Super Powers. When you are practicing mindfulness, you make a point of staying in the present moment. Thoughts and feelings may intrude on this state of mind and when they do, as discussed previously, you acknowledge the thoughts and feelings and then return to your mindfulness practice.
Practicing self-love naturally leads to the practice of self-compassion because you are able to forgive yourself for and understand your own humanity. People who live with high functioning anxiety benefit the most from the practice of self-love because they are able to minimize the disruption to their daily lives by being able to simply cut themselves some slack when things are getting to them. As you progress in your new stability, you will get more adept at recognizing the symptoms of an impending anxiety attack. The goal here is to recognize it when it presents itself on the horizon and “talk yourself down” with gentle, loving words instead of heaping more unrelenting criticism that simply feeds the anxiety. Loving yourself more will allow you to silence those negative, intrusive, and destructive inner thoughts so you can crawl back from the edge sooner.
Being able to crawl away from the edge is key when starting to harness anxiety and turn it into your own Woman Super Power.
At Woman Super Powers, we offer an eight week course on anxiety reduction strategies which is founded on the practice of mindfulness for all these reasons. These strategies allow our clients to create a Teflon coating that will shield them from external criticism which is one of the biggest drivers of anxiety events.
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