Imagine this:
You are a baby who freezing in a basket in the courtyard of an orphanage but you have no idea where you are because you are only six months old. You have just witnessed your biological mother being murdered by your grandfather and your grandmother has whisked you away to safety. You have no words with witch to express this horror. All you can do is wail but no one comes to comfort you.
Star of the Sea Baby Home
Photo: Mary Ann Bokan Sagraves memorabilia 1978
Imagine this:.
The temperature is 35F and you have been left naked without a blanket, clothing or food. Welcome to your new world, sweet baby girl!
The story goes that I was abandoned in the garden of the Star of the Sea Baby Home in Inchon, Korea when I was approximately 6 months old. But because there was no identifying information about me, the doctors were not really sure just how old I was. I was given a birthdate in late August of 1958 and a new name. I lived at the Star of the Sea Baby Home until I was approximately 11 months old. The first few months of my existence are a mystery. I actually don’t know how I ended up at the orphanage: the story of my biological mother being murdered by my grandfather is my birth story myth, something made up so that I could try to stop feeling unwanted by my family of origin.
After five months at the orphanage, you are again whisked away and put on an airplane. All your familiar surroundings have been removed from view without any words or attempt at explanation, not that you would have understood anyway. 28 hours later, you arrive at O’Hare Airport where there are two friendly strangers who greet you. They speak to you in a language you have never heard and though their eyes smile, you are afraid. You wail but this time there is the scent of a man who cradles you in his strong arms.
For me, from as early as I can remember, the world has always been a frightening place for me. I grew up with an enormous sense of anxiety knowing that my “real” mother didn’t want me; I always expected my new adoptive parents to reject me and abandon me if I didn’t behave properly or was anything less than perfect. I never understood what was wrong with me to make my biological mother abandon me in a garden. My life was filled with uncertainty and terror. Despite always being told that I was a wanted child. I never felt wanted no matter where I went. Because I looked so different from my peers at school, I was always acutely aware of my “differentness.” That sense of being different was not anything I could savour, in fact I became highly ashamed of how different I looked from everyone else in my world and I began to develop a deep sense of loathing for myself, something I took into my adult years.
It took years before I was able to process and come to terms with my abandonment and not shriek every time I perceived another abandonment coming from a friend or a romantic partner. Years and DBT. But I finally learned how to manage it. One of the ways I learned how to do it was by learning to practice self-love. Once I was able to really love myself, warts and all, I stopped trying to annihilate myself all the time either physically or emotionally. It was hard work but I am finally at peace with who I am and my origin story.
But back int he Bad Old Days, my anxiety followed me wherever I went like a toxic shadow and even though I didn’t have many big anxiety events until about age 30, I my uneasiness was always simmering on a back burner like a pot threatening to boil over at a moment’s notice.
The birth of my last child was the straw that tipped me over into mental illness and I was soon diagnosed with a mental illness because I kept trying to commit suicide.
I spent many years working as an admin for a Facebook group devoted to others who shared my diagnosis and as time passed, I began to informally coach members on Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills after having taken and mastered my own DBT course. During that time,I became acutely aware that almost everyone I worked with had some sort of undiagnosed anxiety issue. I wondered, “What came first, the mental illness or the anxiety?” I myself had watched my own anxiety and illness go into remission as I practiced and internalized my DBT skills and became adept at practicing mindfulness.I begant to be convinced that practicing mindfulness was the best way to decrease anxiety symptoms and so I began teaching my “clients” what I called my Anxiety Busting Techniques: mindfulness, grounding, meditation. It wasn’t long before I began to notice that many of my informal clients were having profound success with the techniques I was teaching them.
Fast forward to now and I have completed a Life Coach certification course with Coach Training Alliance and opened the doors to my own Life Coaching business. Woman Super Powers where I teach women how to love themselves from the inside out, drwaing upon my DBT skills to accomplish my goals.
I named my business Woman Super Powers because I belive that the skills I teach my clients imbue them with Super Powers, things we as women don’t learn in school. These skills give women the ability to enjoy remarkable success as they reclaim their lives and forge a new sense of happiness and contentment.
Anxiety is the gift that keeps on giving and giving and giving no matter how much you don’t want it. But believe it or not, there is GOOD news about anxiety! And when you learn how to love yourself, warts and all, your life will never be the same.
Some of the good things about anxiety:
1. You think your anxiety attack is never going to end but it does.
2. You think your anxiety will never get any better but it can.
3. You think there is something wrong with YOU but there isn’t.
4. You think you are going to die of a heart attack when you are having an anxiety attack, but you won’t.
5. You think you are going to suffocate to death but you aren’t.
Anxiety is essentially the Fight or Flight Response on steroids. And although I will tell you that you can’t stop the fight or flight response from happening, you CAN manage it and the way you respond to it. With my modality of anxiety reduction techniques, in just 10 weeks Woman Super Powers will show you how to equip yourself with a Teflon™ coating that will shield you from the external criticism and negative self-talk during which you tell yourself that you are not smart enough, pretty enough, lovable enough, good enough. I believe these are the biggest drivers of anxiety events.
Sign up for our exclusive 10 week course today and let me teach you everything I know about how practicing self-love can dramatically reduce your anxiety symptoms as you learn how to manage it effectively. You won’t regret it, I promise.
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