The toll anxiety takes on relationships

The toll anxiety takes on relationships

by | Feb 16, 2025 | Anxiety

Anxiety is a complex and deeply personal experience, yet its impact often extends far beyond the individual who suffers from it. When anxiety infiltrates a relationship—whether romantic, familiar, or platonic—it can create emotional distance, miscommunication, and stress that neither person fully understands at first. The person with anxiety may struggle with intrusive thoughts, overthinking, or avoidance, while their partner, friend, or family member may feel frustrated, confused, or even helpless.

If you or someone you love battles anxiety, understanding its toll on relationships is the first step toward building healthier, more compassionate connections. In this blog post, we’ll explore how anxiety affects relationships, the common challenges that arise, and how both parties can work together to heal and grow stronger.

Understanding Anxiety in Relationships

Anxiety is more than just occasional worry or stress—it’s a persistent feeling of fear, dread, or unease that can affect thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It can stem from past trauma, learned behaviors, or even genetic predispositions. While anxiety manifests differently in everyone, common symptoms include:

  • Constant overthinking and analyzing situations
  • Fear of abandonment or rejection
  • Difficulty trusting others or feeling secure in relationships
  • Irrational worries about the future
  • Physical symptoms like restlessness, insomnia, or stomach issues

 

When these symptoms bleed into relationships, they can create misunderstandings, tension, and even resentment over time.

The Different Ways Anxiety Can Manifest in Relationships

 

Not all anxiety looks the same, and different forms of anxiety can impact relationships in unique ways:

  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Causes persistent worry, which can lead to overanalyzing conversations, second-guessing one’s actions, and seeking constant reassurance.
  • Social Anxiety: Makes it difficult for someone to engage in social activities, leading to avoidance or tension in group settings.
  • Attachment Anxiety: Triggers intense fears of abandonment, leading to clinginess, jealousy, or frequent arguments.
  • Panic Disorder: Causes sudden, intense anxiety attacks, which may be overwhelming for both the individual and their loved ones.

 

Recognizing these different forms can help both partners understand what’s happening and respond with compassion instead of frustration.

The Toll Anxiety Takes on Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships require trust, communication, and emotional stability. When anxiety is present, it can disrupt these foundations in several ways:

  1. Overthinking and Insecurity

An anxious person often overanalyzes interactions, wondering, Did I say something wrong? Do they still love me? This constant self-doubt can make it difficult for them to feel safe in a relationship.

For the partner, constantly reassuring their loved one can become exhausting. They may feel as though they are walking on eggshells, afraid that anything they say or do will be misinterpreted.

  1. Fear of Abandonment and Clinginess

Many people with anxiety struggle with attachment issues, fearing their partner will leave them. This can lead to behaviors like:

  • Needing frequent reassurance (Do you still love me?)
  • Becoming overly dependent on their partner for emotional stability
  • Reacting strongly to perceived signs of distance, such as a delayed text message

For the non-anxious partner, this can feel suffocating. They may struggle to balance their independence while meeting their anxious partner’s needs.

  1. Avoidance and Emotional Withdrawal

On the other end of the spectrum, some people with anxiety cope by withdrawing emotionally. They may avoid serious discussions, struggle to open up, or push their partner away out of fear of being a burden.

This emotional distance can make the other partner feel unloved or unwanted, creating a cycle where both parties feel disconnected and frustrated.

  1. Conflict and Miscommunication

Anxiety can lead to frequent misunderstandings, especially when assumptions take over. An anxious mind may assume the worst:

  • They didn’t reply to my text. They must be mad at me.
  • They canceled our date. Maybe they don’t love me anymore.

These assumptions can lead to unnecessary arguments and emotional exhaustion for both partners.

  1. Impact on Physical Intimacy

Anxiety can also affect intimacy and physical affection. Stress and worry can reduce libido, create self-esteem issues, or make physical closeness feel overwhelming. This can leave both partners feeling disconnected.

How Anxiety Affects Friendships

Anxiety doesn’t just impact romantic relationships—it can also strain friendships. Friends may struggle to understand why an anxious person cancels plans last minute, avoids social gatherings, or seems distant.

  1. Social Avoidance

Many people with anxiety struggle with social situations, leading them to:

  • Cancel plans at the last minute.
  • Avoid answering phone calls or texts.
  • Feel guilty for not being “a good friend.”

Over time, this avoidance can cause friendships to fade, leaving the anxious person feeling even more isolated.

  1. Constant Need for Reassurance

Some people with anxiety seek validation from their friends, asking questions like:

  • Do you think I embarrassed myself?
  • Are you mad at me?

While occasional reassurance is normal, excessive seeking can become overwhelming for friends.

  1. Difficulty Opening Up

Anxiety often makes people feel like a burden, leading them to bottle up their emotions. This can create emotional distance in friendships, making it hard for friends to truly connect.

How Anxiety Affects Family Relationships

Families provide emotional support, but anxiety can strain these bonds as well.

  1. Parental Pressure and Expectations

Parents may struggle to understand their child’s anxiety, interpreting their behaviors as laziness or defiance instead of a mental health struggle. This can lead to misunderstandings and pressure to “just get over it.”

  1. Sibling Struggles

Anxiety can sometimes lead to sibling tension, especially if one sibling requires more attention due to their mental health struggles. This can create feelings of resentment or misunderstanding.

  1. Caregiver Burnout

When a parent or family member takes on a caregiving role for someone with anxiety, they may experience burnout. They might feel helpless, exhausted, or even guilty for needing space.

How to Navigate Anxiety in Relationships

Despite these challenges, relationships can thrive when both parties work together. Here are some ways to foster healthy, anxiety-aware relationships:

For the Anxious Person

  • Practice Self-Awareness: Recognize when anxiety is driving your thoughts and challenge irrational fears.
  • Communicate Openly: Let your loved ones know when you’re struggling instead of shutting down or assuming they understand.
  • Develop Coping Strategies: Try mindfulness, journaling, or therapy to manage anxious thoughts.
  • Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that no relationship is perfect, and occasional miscommunication is normal.

For the Partner, Friend, or Family Member

  • Practice Patience and Compassion: Understand that anxiety is not a choice, and respond with empathy.
  • Encourage Professional Help: If anxiety is severely impacting your loved one’s life, support them in seeking therapy or counseling.
  • Set Healthy Boundaries: Supporting someone with anxiety doesn’t mean sacrificing your own mental health. Set limits when needed.
  • Validate Their Feelings: Instead of dismissing their worries, say, I understand that this is hard for you, and I’m here to support you.

For Both People in the Relationship

  • Educate Yourself: Learn about anxiety together to foster understanding.
  • Seek Therapy if Needed: Couples or family therapy can help navigate anxiety’s impact on relationships.

Cultivate a Safe Space: Create a relationship dynamic where both people feel safe to express their emotions without judgment.

Final Thoughts

Anxiety can take a toll on relationships, but it doesn’t have to break them. When both parties work together with compassion, communication, and patience, relationships can not only survive anxiety but grow stronger because of it.

Whether you struggle with anxiety yourself or love someone who does, remember that understanding and support are the keys to building meaningful, lasting connections. With the right strategies and mutual effort, relationships can withstand anxiety’s challenges and thrive in the face of adversity.

© D’vorah Elias 2025

 womansuperpowers.com

How People-Pleasing Holds Women Back in their careers and beyond: Breaking Free from the Need for Approval

How People-Pleasing Holds Women Back in their careers and beyond: Breaking Free from the Need for Approval

by | Feb 8, 2025 | Blog, Setting Healthy Boundaries

Image courtesy of Etty Fidele at unsplash.com

Introduction

People-pleasing is often seen as a positive trait—after all, being kind, accommodating, and agreeable are qualities that help maintain relationships and create harmony. However, when people-pleasing becomes a woman’s default mode of operation, it can be deeply limiting and even self-destructive.

Many women are conditioned from an early age to prioritize others’ needs, to be agreeable, and to avoid conflict. This constant need for external validation can prevent them from setting boundaries pursuing their ambitions and fully embracing their true selves.

In this article, I will explore how people-pleasing holds women back, why it happens, and most importantly, how to break free from this pattern to reclaim your personal power.

Understanding People-Pleasing: What It Looks Like People-pleasing is more than just being nice. It manifests in various ways, such as:

  • Saying yes when you want to say no.
  • Apologizing excessively, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
  • Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.
  • Avoiding conflict at all costs.
  • Struggling with setting or enforcing boundaries.
  • Prioritizing others’ needs while neglecting your own.
  • Seeking validation and approval before making decisions.
  • Feeling guilty when prioritizing yourself.

While these behaviors may seem harmless, over time, they can erode self-confidence, create resentment, and lead to emotional exhaustion.

Why Women Are Prone to People- Pleasing

People-pleasing in women is often rooted in cultural and societal expectations. Here are some of the key reasons why women tend to fall into this pattern:

  1. Cultural Conditioning

From childhood, many girls are taught to be nurturing, selfless, and accommodating. They are praised for being “good girls” when they comply with rules and expectations, whereas assertiveness is often discouraged or labeled as being “bossy” or “difficult.” This conditioning reinforces the idea that their worth is tied to how well they meet others’ expectations.

Women are often culturally conditioned to avoid conflict through a combination of social expectations, gender roles, and reinforcement from family, media, and institutions. This conditioning manifests in several ways:

  1. Early Socialization Gender Norms
  • From a young age, girls are encouraged to be “nice,” “polite,” and “agreeable” while boys are often allowed to be more assertive.

Early socialization and gender norms play a powerful role in shaping behaviors, particularly in how women are conditioned to become people pleasers. From a young age, girls are often encouraged—both explicitly and implicitly—to be nurturing, accommodating, and self-sacrificing.

These expectations create patterns that can be difficult to break, even in adulthood. Here’s how this happens:

Reinforcement of Good Girl Behavior

  • From childhood, girls are praised for being polite, cooperative, and emotionally attuned to others’ needs.
  • Being nice and agreeable is rewarded, while assertiveness or boundary-setting can be met with disapproval.
  • This conditioning makes external validation a core part of self-worth.

The Expectation to Prioritize Others

  • Society often assigns caregiving roles to women, both emotionally and physically (e.g., being the peacemakers in families, expected to soften situations at work).
  • Girls are taught to prioritize relationships over personal desires, leading to a habitual suppression of their own needs.

Fear of Rejection Conflict

  • Women who assert themselves risk being labeled as difficult bossy, or selfish.
  • To avoid social rejection, many learn to default to appeasement, ensuring they remain likable.
  • Over time, this makes advocating for oneself feel unnatural or even guilt-inducing.

Cultural Media Influences

  • Movies, books, and societal narratives reinforce the idea that good women are selfless and nurturing.
  • Female protagonists are often portrayed as sacrificing their dreams or happiness for the sake of family, friends, or romantic relationships.
  • This perpetuates the belief that self-worth is tied to how much one gives to others.

The Double Standards in Assertiveness

  • While men are often encouraged to be bold and independent, women face backlash for the same behavior.
  • Many women internalize this double standard, learning that saying “no” or standing firm will have social consequences.
  • Girls are praised for being helpful, accommodating, and emotionally attuned to others rather than for standing their ground.
  • Punishment for aggression: When girls express anger or defiance, they are more likely to be scolded or labeled as bossy or difficult.

The Expectation to Be Caregivers and Peacemakers

  • Women are often seen as the emotional caretakers in families and workplaces, expected to maintain harmony.
  • Speaking up or engaging in conflict can be perceived as disruptive, so women may feel pressure to smooth things over rather than challenge unfairness.
  • The fear of being labeled dramatic or overreacting discourages women from asserting themselves.

How This Leads to People-Pleasing Behavior

  1. Fear of Disapproval—Women are often taught that being liked and accepted depends on their ability to keep the peace and accommodate others. Saying no can feel like a personal failure or a risk to relationships.
  2. Identity Tied to Service—Many women equate their self-worth with how much they do for others. They feel valuable only when they are giving, whether as mothers, partners, friends, or employees.
  3. Avoiding Conflict—The pressure to be the peacemaker discourages women from asserting their own needs, fearing that doing so will cause tension or upset others.
  4. Guilt and Obligation—Society often frames self-care or setting boundaries as selfish, reinforcing guilt when women prioritize themselves.

Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

  • Recognize That Your Worth Isn’t Conditional— You are valuable for who you are, not just for what you do for others.
  • Set Boundaries Without Guilt—Saying no doesn’t make you unkind; it protects your time energy, and well-being.
  • Challenge the Narrative— Caregiving and peacemaking are wonderful traits, but they should be a choice, not an expectation.
  • Embrace Discomfort—Standing up for yourself may feel uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier with practice.

The Role of Media Reinforcement

  • Movies, TV shows, and literature often depict “strong” women as cold or unlikable reinforcing the idea that assertiveness comes at the cost of likability.
  • Female characters who confront others are often portrayed as villains (e.g., bossy career women, overbearing mothers, mean girls).
  • In contrast, idealized female characters are often those who are self-sacrificing, nurturing, and agreeable.

Media reinforcement plays a significant role in shaping societal norms, especially when it comes to gender expectations. For women, media often promotes people-pleasing behaviors through subtle and overt messaging.

 Here’s how:

  1. The “Good Girl” Trope
  • From childhood, media conditions women to be agreeable, kind, and self-sacrificing.
  • Disney princesses, rom-com heroines, and sitcom moms often demonstrate extreme patience and prioritization of others’ needs.
  • Women who rebel against these norms are frequently labeled as “difficult” or “cold.”
  1. The Caregiver Narrative
  • Advertisements and TV shows frequently depict women as nurturers—mothers, wives, or helpful coworkers.
  • The expectation is that a woman’s value comes from her ability to support others, reinforcing self-sacrificing behavior.
  1. The Fear of Being Unlikable
  • Assertive or opinionated women in media are often portrayed as villains (e.g., the bossy female CEO, the crazy ex-girlfriend).
  • No one wants to be called a “bitch” because they stand up for themself.
  • Social media amplifies this by rewarding agreeable, aesthetically pleasing, and non- confrontational behavior with likes and engagement.
  1. Romanticizing Self-Sacrifice
  • Movies and books often show women bending over backward for relationships, tolerating toxic behavior, and putting others’ happiness first.
  • This reinforces the belief that love and acceptance require self-abandonment.
  1. The “Effortless Perfection” Standard
  • Women are expected to handle work, family, and personal lives flawlessly without complaint.
  • The idea that saying “no” or setting boundaries is selfish is heavily implied in both professional and personal media narratives.
  1. The Media’s Reaction to Outspoken Women
  • Strong women in politics, entertainment, or business often face scrutiny and are called aggressive or too much.
  • This sends the message that women should be palatable and agreeable to be accepted.

How to Break Free from Media Reinforcement

  • Media Literacy—Recognize these patterns and question them.
  • Representation Matters—Seek out stories that highlight independent, boundary-setting women.
  • Reclaim the Narrative—Support and create media that empowers women to prioritize themselves.
  • Set Boundaries—Normalize saying “no” without guilt.
  • Workplace Professional Expectations Sabotage Women All the Time
  • Assertive women in the workplace often face the double bind: If they are too accommodating, they may be overlooked, but if they are too assertive, they may be seen as unlikeable or aggressive.
  • Studies show that women who negotiate for higher salaries or promotions often face backlash, discouraging them from advocating for themselves.
  • Many professional environments reward collaboration and diplomacy over direct confrontation, further reinforcing this behavior in women.

Unspoken Rules: Gender Norms

  • Women are often expected to be agreeable, accommodating, and nurturing in professional settings.
  • Assertiveness in men is seen as leadership, but in women, it can be misinterpreted as aggression or being difficult.
  • This pressure leads many women to prioritize harmony over their own needs, making it harder to say no or set boundaries.

The Pressure to Be ‘Likeable’

  • Career success isn’t just about competence—it’s about relationships.
  • Women are often socialized to seek approval and avoid conflict, making them more likely to over-apologize, take on extra work, and suppress their true opinions to maintain workplace harmony.

Fear of Backlash

  • When women set boundaries, they risk being perceived as cold, uncooperative, or not a team player.
  • The fear of damaging their reputation or career growth makes many women opt for people- pleasing behaviors over self-advocacy.

Unequal Workloads: Emotional Labor

  • Women are more likely to be voluntold for tasks like note-taking, planning events, or mentoring new employees—roles that don’t lead to promotions.
  • They often take on emotional labor, providing emotional support to coworkers, which can be exhausting and unrecognized.

The Classic Double Bind: Competent vs. Likeable

  • If a woman is too accommodating, she’s overlooked.
  • If she’s too assertive, she’s disliked.
  • This double bind forces many women into a middle ground of people-pleasing to avoid negative consequences.

Burnout  Resentment

  • Constantly meeting expectations at the expense of personal well-being leads to exhaustion and frustration.
  • The need to always be agreeable and available can erode confidence and personal fulfillment.
  • Fear of Social Backlash
  • Women are often conditioned to value relationships over personal needs, leading them to avoid conflict to maintain friendships, romantic relationships, or professional connections.
  • The fear of being ostracized, disliked, or called difficult makes many women hesitant to stand up for themselves.
  • There’s often an unspoken rule that women should be emotionally available and accommodating to others, even at their own expense.

The Role of Patriarchy Power Dynamics

  • Societies with patriarchal structures often discourage women from challenging authority(whether that be in the family, workplace, or government).
  • Women who challenge norms may face greater scrutiny or punishment than men in similar situations.
  • Gendered expectations about who should hold power make it harder for women to be taken seriously when they assert themselves.

Fear of Rejection and Judgment

Women who engage in people-pleasing often do so out of fear—fear of not being liked, of being seen as difficult, or of losing relationships. Society has historically valued women who are agreeable and easy to get along with, making it harder for them to assert themselves without feeling guilt or anxiety.

Gender Expectations in the Workplace

In professional settings, women are often expected to be team players, take on extra work, and manage interpersonal relationships. If they set firm boundaries, they risk being perceived as cold or uncooperative. This double standard makes it difficult for women to advocate for themselves, ask for raises, or asserts their ideas confidently.

The Desire to Avoid Conflict

Many women associate conflict with negativity and discomfort, leading them to suppress their true feelings to maintain peace. However, avoiding conflict often means suppressing one’s own needs which can lead to long-term frustration and burnout.

Perfectionism and the Need to Be Liked

Women who struggle with perfectionism often seek approval as a way to validate their worth. They may fear that if they are not constantly accommodating, they will disappoint others or fail to meet expectations, reinforcing a cycle of people-pleasing.

How People-Pleasing Holds Women Back

While people-pleasing may provide short-term benefits like social approval and avoiding conflict, it has long-term negative consequences. Here’s how it limits women:

  1. Lack of Boundaries Leads to Burnout

When women consistently put others first, they often neglect their own needs. This can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion, stress, and even resentment. Without boundaries, they may find themselves overcommitted and struggling to balance personal and professional responsibilities.

  1. Suppressing One’s True Self

Constantly shaping oneself to meet others’ expectations can lead to a loss of identity. Women may find themselves unsure of what they truly want, as they have spent so much time prioritizing others.

  1. Difficulty Advancing in Careers

In the workplace, people-pleasers often take on extra work without recognition, hesitate to ask for promotions, and avoid advocating for themselves. This can result in missed opportunities and stagnant career growth.

  1. Increased Anxiety and Self-Doubt

The pressure to please everyone can lead to chronic stress, self-doubt, and anxiety. Women who rely on external validation may struggle with decision-making, fearing that any wrong move will disappoint someone.

  1. Unfulfilling Relationships

People-pleasing often results in one-sided relationships where a woman gives more than she receives. Over time, this can lead to feelings of resentment, emotional exhaustion, and dissatisfaction in personal connections.

Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

Overcoming people-pleasing requires conscious effort, self-awareness, and a willingness to prioritize one’s own needs. Here are actionable steps to break free from this cycle:

  1. Identify Your People-Pleasing Triggers

Pay attention to situations where you feel compelled to please others. Is it at work? In social settings?

With family? Understanding your triggers helps you recognize patterns and begin making intentional changes.

  1. Practice Saying No

Saying no is one of the most powerful ways to reclaim your time and energy. Start small by declining minor requests and gradually build up to setting firmer boundaries. Remember, “No” is a complete sentence.

  1. Set and Communicate Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are essential for self-respect. Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate. 

For example, if a colleague constantly asks you to take on extra work, firmly state your limits: “I can’t take on this task right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me.”

  1. Challenge the Need for External Validation

Begin to trust your own judgment rather than seeking approval from others. Ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or because I want to be liked?”

  1. Get Comfortable with Discomfort

Asserting yourself may initially feel uncomfortable, but it gets easier with practice remind yourself that disappointing others is not the same as being unkind. Prioritizing your well-being is not selfish—it’s necessary.

  1. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Surrounding yourself with people who respect your boundaries and encourage your growth makes it easier to let go of people-pleasing tendencies. Seek out relationships where mutual respect and authenticity is valued.

  1. Work on Self-Worth and Self-Compassion

People-pleasing often stems from a lack of self-worth. Engage in practices that build self-esteem, such as affirmations, therapy, journaling, or mindfulness. Remind yourself that your value is not determined by how much you do for others.

Conclusion

Breaking free from people-pleasing is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Women who learn to set boundaries, prioritize their own needs, and trust their instincts to find greater fulfillment, confidence, and success.

By challenging the deeply ingrained belief that we must always please others, we create space for personal growth, authenticity, and true self-love. It’s time for women to reclaim their power and live unapologetically, no longer bound by the need for approval.

Assertiveness Skills Training can turn a people pleaser into a self-confident woman who is not afraid to say NO!

© D’vorah Elias 2025

How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Helps People Regulate Their Emotions

How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Helps People Regulate Their Emotions

by | Jan 16, 2025 | Blog

Unlocking Emotional Balance Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Emotions: The Compass of Our Lives

Emotions shape every aspect of our human experience—they guide decisions, influence relationships, and frame daily life. Yet, for many, managing emotions, especially when they feel overwhelming, can be a challenge. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers hope and practical strategies to navigate emotional dysregulation. In this blog, we explore what DBT is, how it works, and how it empowers individuals to achieve emotional balance.

What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)?

DBT was developed in the late 1980s by Dr. Marsha Linehan to treat individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Over the years, its effectiveness has expanded to address conditions such as:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  • Eating Disorders

DBT blends cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness practices, emphasizing acceptance and change. The term “dialectical” refers to balancing opposites: accepting one’s current situation while working to change behaviors contributing to emotional distress.

Emotional Dysregulation: A Common Struggle

Emotional dysregulation occurs when individuals struggle to manage their emotional experiences in a way that aligns with their values. Common signs include:

  • Intense reactions to minor triggers
  • Difficulty calming down when upset
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness or sadness
  • Impulsive behaviors driven by emotions
  • Relationship challenges due to emotional volatility

For those dealing with these issues, emotions can feel overpowering, leading to significant consequences in personal and professional life.

The Four Pillars of DBT

DBT is structured around four modules, each providing essential tools for emotional regulation:

1. Mindfulness

Mindfulness lays the foundation by teaching individuals to observe and accept their emotions without judgment.

  • Key Skills:
    • Observe, describe, and participate mindfully.
    • Practice non-judgmentally and effectively.

2. Distress Tolerance

This module provides strategies to endure emotional pain without resorting to harmful behaviors.

  • Example Skill: TIP (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, Progressive Relaxation)
    • Cool down physically to calm overwhelming emotions.
    • Use physical activity to redirect emotional energy.
    • Engage in deep, paced breathing to promote relaxation.

3. Emotion Regulation

The core of emotional balance, this module helps individuals understand and manage their emotions effectively.

  • Example Skill: ABC PLEASE
    • A: Accumulate positive experiences.
    • B: Build mastery in confidence-boosting activities.
    • C: Cope ahead for challenges.

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness

This module focuses on communication skills, setting boundaries, and maintaining healthy relationships.

  • Example Skill: DEAR MAN
    • D: Describe
    • E: Express
    • A: Assert
    • R: Reinforce
    • M: Stay mindful
    • A: Appear confident
    • N: Negotiate

How DBT Empowers Emotional Regulation

1. Identifying and Naming Emotions

Understanding and labeling emotions reduces their intensity and allows for greater control.

2. Reducing Vulnerability

Skills like ABC PLEASE create a stable emotional foundation by focusing on physical and mental well-being.

3. Balancing Acceptance and Change

DBT encourages acceptance of reality while empowering individuals to build healthier habits.

4. Practicing Mindful Responses

Mindfulness creates a “pause” between emotional triggers and reactions, fostering intentional responses.

5. Building a Life Worth Living

DBT emphasizes not just minimizing negativity but actively cultivating positive experiences.

Real-Life Applications of DBT

  • Managing Anger:
    Use mindfulness and the STOP skill (Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully) to avoid impulsive reactions.
  • Coping with Sadness:
    Engage in distress tolerance skills, such as self-soothing or opposite action, to counteract negative emotions.
  • Navigating Anxiety:
    Practice paced breathing and cope ahead by preparing for challenging situations.

DBT in Unique Settings: Helping Inmates in Prisons

DBT has been adapted for correctional facilities to address anger management, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. Studies have shown:

  • Reduced aggression
  • Improved coping skills
  • Lower recidivism rates

Who Can Benefit from DBT?

While initially developed for BPD, DBT benefits anyone facing:

  • Chronic emotional dysregulation
  • Impulsivity or self-harming behaviors
  • Intense interpersonal conflicts
  • Anxiety, depression, or trauma-related challenges

Takeaways and Next Steps

DBT offers a structured approach to reclaiming control over emotions. It empowers individuals to:

  • Build stronger relationships
  • Enhance coping skills
  • Reduce self-destructive behaviors

If you or a loved one could benefit from DBT, consider seeking professional guidance or joining a support group. For more information, visit womansuperpowers.com.

DBT saved my life. This is more than a therapy—it’s a pathway to emotional freedom and resilience.

© D’vorah Elias 2025

Under the Hood: The Mechanics of an Anxiety Attack

Under the Hood: The Mechanics of an Anxiety Attack

by | Jan 9, 2025 | Anxiety

Photo by
Elizabeth Zernetska
Courtesy of Pexels.com

 

What Happens Inside Your Body During An Anxiety Attack

Unless you are superhuman, you have probably had anxiety at some point in your life. It usually starts off with a whimper, but left unchecked, anxiety can turn into a raging monster that will derail your life, and has the potential to turn you into a quivering bowl of jelly. Many of my clients come to me with of control anxiety symptoms—they all know how it feels, but most don’t know where it comes from.

In this blog post, I will outline the mechanics of what’s under the hood when you are having an anxiety attack because knowledge is power, and understanding what it is and where it originates is a good
first step toward learning how to manage it.

The fight-or-flight response is what controls your anxiety.
Your body’s “fight or flight” response is behind these intense physical symptoms. Normally When you encounter a threat—whether it’s a grizzly bear or a swerving car—your nervous system springs into action.

The hormone adrenaline floods into your bloodstream, putting your body on high alert. Your heartbeat quickens, which sends more blood to your muscles. Your breathing becomes fast and shallow, so you can take in more oxygen. Your blood sugar spikes. Your senses get sharper. Anxiety attacks signal danger.

All of these changes—which happen instantaneously—give you the energy you need to confront a dangerous situation so you can get out of harm’s way quickly.
During an anxiety attack, these changes take place.
An anxiety attack triggers a cascade of physiological and psychological responses in the body, often characterized by an intense and overwhelming sense of fear or apprehension.

Here’s what typically
happens:

Physiological Responses

1. Activation of the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS)
● Fight-or-Flight Response: The body prepares to either confront or flee from a perceived threat.
● Release of Stress Hormones: The adrenal glands release adrenaline (epinephrine) and cortisol into the bloodstream.

2. Cardiovascular Changes

● Increased Heart Rate: The heart beats faster to pump more blood to muscles and vital organs.

● Elevated Blood Pressure: Blood vessels constrict to increase blood flow and pressure.

3. Respiratory Changes

● Rapid Breathing (Hyperventilation): Breathing becomes quick and shallow, leading to an excess intake of oxygen and a decrease in carbon dioxide levels.

● Chest Tightness: This can cause feelings of suffocation or difficulty breathing.

Psychological Responses Most People Experience

1. Intense Fear or Panic

● Overwhelming Anxiety: A sense of impending doom or extreme fear that is often disproportionate to the actual threat.

● Loss of Control: Feelings of being unable to control the situation or one’s own reactions.

2. Cognitive Distortions

● Catastrophic Thinking: Focusing on the worst possible outcomes.

● Negative Self-Talk: Harsh internal dialogue that reinforces feelings of fear and helplessness.

3. Detachment or Derealization

● Feeling Unreality: A sensation of being detached from oneself or the surroundings, as if in a dream.

How does practicing mindfulness help with anxiety?

Practicing mindfulness can significantly help decrease anxiety.

Here’s how:

1. Awareness and Acceptance: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present, moment without judgment. This practice helps individuals become aware of their anxious thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them.

Recognizing anxiety as a transient experience can reduce its impact and prevent it from escalating.

2. Reduced Rumination: Anxiety often involves excessive worrying about past events or future uncertainties. Mindfulness encourages focusing on the present moment, which can interrupt this cycle of rumination and reduce overall anxiety.

3. Enhanced Emotional Regulation:

Mindfulness strengthens the ability to observe emotions without reacting impulsively. This increased emotional regulation can help individuals manage anxiety more effectively by responding to stressful situations with greater calm and clarity.

4. Lowered Physiological Stress Response:

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing activates the body’s relaxation response, reducing the physiological symptoms of anxiety like increased heart rate and muscle tension.

5. Improved Cognitive Flexibility: Regular mindfulness practice can enhance cognitive flexibility, making it easier to shift focus from anxious thoughts to more constructive or neutral ones. This mental agility helps in coping with anxiety-provoking situations.

6. Greater Self-Compassion: Mindfulness fosters self-compassion, encouraging a kinder and more understanding attitude towards oneself.

This self-compassion can alleviate the self- criticism and negative self-talk that often accompany anxiety.

7. Behavioral Changes: By cultivating a non-judgmental awareness of their actions and triggers, individuals can make more mindful choices about their behavior. This awareness can lead to healthier coping strategies and reduce behaviors that exacerbate anxiety.

8. Enhanced Resilience: Mindfulness builds resilience by promoting a sense of calm and centeredness. Over time, this resilience helps individuals better handle stress and bounce back from anxiety-inducing situations more quickly.

Scientific research supports these benefits. For example, studies have shown that mindfulness-based interventions, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) can significantly reduce symptoms of anxiety and improve overall mental health.
In summary, mindfulness helps with anxiety by fostering a present-focused, non-judgmental awareness that enhances emotional regulation, reduces physiological stress, and promotes healthier cognitive and behavioral patterns.

Post-Attack Effects

After experiencing an anxiety attack, you will likely experience the following:

1. Exhaustion

● Fatigue: The body may feel drained and fatigued after the heightened state of arousal subsidies.

2. Residual Anxiety
● Lingering Nervousness: Some level of anxiety or jitteriness may persist after the peak of the attack.

3. Emotional Impact

● Fear of Future Attacks: Concern about experiencing another anxiety attack can contribute to ongoing anxiety and avoidance behaviors.

Understanding these responses can help in managing and reducing the frequency and intensity of anxiety attacks. Techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and cognitive-behavioral therapy(CBT), and, in some cases, medication can be effective in alleviating symptoms and improving overall mental health.

But what if there’s nothing dangerous around you?
Sometimes people will have what is known as a random panic attack in which your body goes on alert for seemingly no reason.

Researchers don’t know exactly what triggers them. But the physical effects are real: During a panic attack, your body’s adrenaline levels can spike by 2 1/2 times, or more.

Panic attacks may not come as unexpectedly as they seem. The physical changes may start about an hour before an attack. In one study, people with panic disorder wore devices that tracked their heart activity, sweating, and breathing. The results showed lower-than-normal levels of carbon, dioxide, a sign of rapid, deep breathing that can leave you breathless, as early as about 45 minutes before the panic attack.

You may have feelings of impending doom, shortness of breath, chest pain, or a rapid, fluttering or pounding heart (heart palpitations). These panic attacks may lead to worrying about them, happening again or avoiding situations in which they’ve occurred.

What Happens in Your Brain
Scientists are still studying how panic attacks affect the brain. It’s possible that the parts of the brain that are tied to fear become more active during an episode. One recent study found that people with panic disorder had lots of activity in a part of their brains tied to the “fight or flight” response.

Other studies have found possible links between panic disorder and the chemicals in your brain. The condition may also be linked to an imbalance in serotonin levels, which can affect your moods.

What You Can Do

To get through a panic attack, try to take control of your breathing first. Find a place where you can sit or be comfortable.

Concentrate on making your breath slow and even. Try to inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 2 seconds, then exhale through your mouth for 6 seconds. Tell yourself that you’re not in danger and that the attack will pass.

If you’re not sure if you’re having a panic attack, it’s a good idea to go to the hospital to rule out any other health problems.

Panic disorder is one of the most treatable types of anxiety disorders. Medication and a type of Talk therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy can help. See your doctor if you have panic attacks often.

Biopsychology: The ‘Fight or Flight’ Response Explained

When someone enters a potentially stressful situation, the amygdala (a small organ that is part of the limbic system) is activated. The amygdala responds to sensory input (what we see, hear, smell, etc.) and connects sensory input with emotions associated with the fight-or-flight response (e.g.,fear and anger).
If the situation is deemed as stressful/dangerous, the amygdala sends a distress signal to the hypothalamus, which communicates with the body through the sympathetic nervous system. If the situation requires a short-term response, the sympathomedullary pathway (SAM pathway) is activated, triggering the fight-or-flight response.

If your anxiety is running roughshod over your life and you want to learn strategies to manage it so it doesn’t control everything you do or where you go or who you interact with, head over to my website and sign up for my anxiety reduction strategies course. I will teach you scientifically proven methods for managing your anxiety, including breathing and grounding techniques.

There isn’t really acure per se for anxiety, but it is possible to learn how to manage it effectively. I learned these techniques and have been able to rein in my out-of-control anxiety for years, and it’s been such a relief.

Let me help you learn these strategies too!

www.womansuperpowers.com
© D’vorah Elias 2025
#anxiety
#anxietyreductionstrategies
#amygdala

Screenshot 2025 01 01 075056

from:tutor2u.com

After you have experienced an anxiety attack, you may experience the following as your parasympathetic nervous system resets itself. Your heart rate may significantly decrease as well as other bodily functions such as your digestive tract. This is normal and nothing to get alarmed about.

Screenshot 2025 01 01 075255

tutor2u.com

Following the fight or flight response, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated to return the body back to its ‘normal’ resting state. Consequently, the parasympathetic nervous system slows down our heart rate and breathing rate and reduces our blood pressure.

Furthermore, anyfunctions that were previously slowed down are started again (e.g., digestion).

The good news about anxiety

You think it is going to kill you when it is happening.
Even though you may feel like you are dying when you are experiencing an anxiety attack, the good news is that you are not. It will pass over time.
The statistics on people who die specifically during an anxiety or panic attack are not commonly detailed in medical literature because anxiety attacks themselves are not typically fatal.

However, the broader context of anxiety disorders and their impact on health can be explored to understand the associated risks.

Key Points on Anxiety and Mortality:

1. Anxiety and Cardiovascular Events:

● Anxiety and panic attacks can lead to acute stress responses, which might exacerbate underlying cardiovascular conditions. For instance, a person with a pre-existing heart condition could experience a cardiac event triggered by a severe anxiety attack.

● Studies have shown that people with anxiety disorders are at an increased risk of cardiovascular diseases, which could contribute to higher mortality rates in this population.

2. Comorbid Conditions:

● Individuals with anxiety disorders often have comorbid conditions such as depression, substance abuse, or other mental health issues. These comorbidities can increase the risk of suicide, which contributes to mortality statistics within this group.

3. Suicide and Self-Harm:

● Anxiety disorders, particularly when coupled with depression, significantly increase the risk of suicide. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), individuals with anxiety disorders are at a higher risk of attempting suicide than the general population.

4. Impact of Chronic Stress:

● Chronic anxiety can lead to long-term health issues, including weakened immune function, gastrointestinal problems, and chronic pain conditions, all of which can indirectly affect mortality rates. This is why it is SO important for people who suffer from anxiety to get in under control quickly…

Conclusion:

While deaths specifically occurring during an anxiety attack are rare and not well-documented, the broader impacts of anxiety disorders on mortality are significant due to their association with cardiovascular events, suicide, and other health complications. The importance of early diagnosis and Effective management of anxiety disorders is crucial to mitigate these risks.

#chooseyourself
#loveyourself
#womansuperpowers
womansuperpowers.com

What is Mindfulness and How Can It Reduce Anxiety Symptoms?

What is Mindfulness and How Can It Reduce Anxiety Symptoms?

by | Jan 2, 2025 | Mindfulness

How Mindfulness Can Help You Manage Anxiety

In today’s fast-paced world, many people struggle with anxiety symptoms, ranging from racing thoughts and restlessness to constant worry. The demands of modern life often exacerbate these feelings, making it difficult to find relief. A question I hear frequently is, “What is mindfulness?” While it’s not a cure-all, mindfulness is a powerful tool for managing anxiety and finding balance.

As someone who has learned to manage my own anxiety symptoms through mindfulness, I can attest to its transformative effects. In this post, I’ll explore what mindfulness is, how it combats anxiety, and practical ways you can integrate mindfulness into your daily life.

What Is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment without judgment or resistance. It involves becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and surroundings. Instead of worrying about the future or regretting the past, mindfulness encourages you to focus on the now.

This practice doesn’t suppress anxiety but changes your relationship with it. Observing anxious thoughts with curiosity and acceptance reduces their power and impact. Contrary to misconceptions, mindfulness isn’t limited to meditation or “navel-gazing” in serene settings. You can practice mindfulness anywhere – while brushing your teeth, riding the bus, or playing with your pet.

Mindfulness isn’t about “doing” something right or wrong; it’s about “being” fully present in the moment.

The Connection Between Anxiety and Mindfulness

Anxiety often stems from focusing on “what-ifs” and catastrophic scenarios. This mindset triggers the body’s fight-or-flight response, leading to physical symptoms like a racing heart, rapid breathing, and muscle tension. Mindfulness interrupts this cycle by grounding you in the present moment, breaking the loop of fear and worry.

How Mindfulness Combats Anxiety:

  1. Grounding in the Present Moment Anxiety thrives on uncertainty and future worries. Mindfulness anchors you in the present, reminding you that most fears are projections, not reality. Techniques like focusing on your breath or physical sensations create a sense of stability, even during anxious episodes.
  2. Reducing Emotional Reactivity Anxiety often triggers impulsive reactions. Mindfulness helps you pause and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically. Research shows that mindfulness reduces activity in the brain’s fear center (the amygdala), fostering calmer responses.
  3. Breaking Negative Thought Patterns Mindfulness enables you to observe negative thoughts without attaching to them. This process, known as “decentering,” helps you recognize thoughts as temporary mental events rather than absolute truths.
  4. Fostering Self-Acceptance Anxiety often brings self-critical thoughts. Mindfulness encourages you to observe these thoughts without judgment, cultivating a kinder inner dialogue.

Scientific Evidence for Mindfulness and Anxiety Relief

Numerous studies support the effectiveness of mindfulness in reducing anxiety:

  • Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR): This eight-week program, developed by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, combines mindfulness meditation and yoga. Research shows it significantly reduces symptoms of anxiety, stress, and depression.
  • Improved Brain Function: Regular mindfulness practice strengthens the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation) while reducing activity in the amygdala.
  • Lower Cortisol Levels: Mindfulness practices lower cortisol, a stress hormone, promoting calm and balance.

Practical Mindfulness Techniques for Anxiety Relief

If you’re new to mindfulness, starting small can make the practice more accessible. Here are simple techniques to get you started:

  1. Mindful Breathing

    • Find a quiet space and sit comfortably.
    • Close your eyes and focus on your breath.
    • If your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath.
  2. Body Scan Meditation

    • Lie down or sit in a comfortable position.
    • Bring your attention to different parts of your body, starting from your toes and moving upward.
  3. Mindful Observation

    • Choose an object, such as a flower or your coffee cup.
    • Observe it closely, noticing its texture, color, and scent.
  4. Gratitude Journaling

    • Write down three things you’re grateful for at the end of each day.
  5. Mindful Walking

    • Focus on the sensation of your feet touching the ground and the rhythm of your steps.

Integrating Mindfulness Into Your Life

Consistency is key. Start with a few minutes a day and gradually increase as you become more comfortable. Apps like Headspace, Calm, and Insight Timer offer guided meditations to help you stay on track. Joining a mindfulness group or attending a workshop can also provide community and accountability.

I teach these mindfulness skills, along with other grounding techniques and breathing exercises, in my short course. Many clients report noticeable anxiety relief within 3-5 weeks of daily mindfulness practice.

Conclusion

Anxiety doesn’t have to control your life. By embracing mindfulness, you can find calm and clarity even in uncertain times. Mindfulness is a lifelong practice that strengthens your ability to respond to challenges with grace and resilience.

Take a deep breath and give yourself permission to pause. The present moment is waiting to support you. Visit my website www.womansuperpowers.com to sign up for my mindfulness course today. The only thing you have to lose is your sweaty palms and racing heart! See you inside!

#Mindfulness #AnxietyRelief #MentalWellness

© D’vorah Elias 2025

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