How Mindfulness Helped My Anxiety

How Mindfulness Helped My Anxiety

Photo courtesy of Photo by Levi XU on Unsplash

Anxiety used to be the background noise of my life. It was always there—buzzing, humming, sometimes roaring—making even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming.

I didn’t always have the words to describe it, but I knew what it felt like: racing thoughts, tight chest, constant worry, and a sense of impending doom that never quite went away. I tried everything from distraction techniques to overworking myself, hoping that if I just stayed busy enough, the anxiety would disappear. It didn’t.

What finally made a difference wasn’t a miracle cure or a single, dramatic, life-changing event. It was something deceptively simple: mindfulness.

What Is Mindfulness?

Before I dive into how mindfulness helped me, let me explain what it is. At its core, mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment, on purpose and without judgment. It’s about noticing what’s happening in your body, your mind, and your surroundings, and accepting it without trying to change it right away.

It sounds easy, but for someone with anxiety, it can feel like the hardest thing in the world. My mind was always in the future, worrying about what could go wrong, or in the past, replaying mistakes and regrets. The present moment felt like a place I rarely visited.

The Turning Point

I learned how to practice mindfulness when I was doing a course in dialectical behavioral therapy as an outpatient. I grabbed onto it like a life raft because my anxiety had become much worse. I was experiencing frequent panic attacks at least once a day, and I was at the end of my rope because I felt I could no longer cope.
with them.

One of the foundational skills of DBT is mindfulness, and I thought that if it would help me, it was worth giving it a good try. Skeptical but desperate, I decided to go all in with it.

The first session was just five minutes long. I sat in my chair, closed my eyes, and listened to the calm voice of the group facilitator guide us through a body scan. I was supposed to notice the sensations in my feet, then my legs, and so on.

My mind wandered a hundred times, but I kept bringing it back. When the session ended, I didn’t feel transformed, but I did feel a little calmer. That was enough to keep me coming back.

Building Practice

Over the next few weeks, I learned that mindfulness isn’t a quick fix. It’s practice, and like any practice, it takes time and consistency. I started with five minutes a day, then gradually increased to ten, then twenty. I explored different techniques: breath awareness, body scans, mindful walking, and even mindful eating.

At first, I thought I was doing it wrong. My mind wandered constantly. I’d get frustrated and judge myself for not being “good” at meditating. But over time, I learned that the wandering mind is part of the process.

The goal isn’t to stop your thoughts —but rather to notice them without getting caught up in them.

How Mindfulness Helped My Anxiety

Here’s how mindfulness began to shift my relationship with anxiety:

  1. It Helped Me Recognize My Triggers

Before mindfulness, I often felt blindsided by anxiety. It would hit me out of nowhere, and I’d spiral. But as I became more aware of my thoughts and bodily sensations, I started to notice patterns. I realized that certain situations, thoughts, or even times of day were more likely to trigger anxiety. This awareness gave me a sense of control. I could prepare for those moments or respond more skillfully when they happened.

  1. It Created Space Between Me and My Thoughts

One of the most powerful lessons mindfulness taught me is that I am not my thoughts. When anxiety would whisper, “You’re going to mess this up,” I used to believe it without question. But mindfulness helped me see those thoughts as just that —thoughts. Not facts. Not prophecies. Just mental events passing through my mind. This shift was liberating.

  1. It Grounded Me in the Present

Anxiety thrives in the future. It feeds on “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios. Mindfulness anchored me in the now. When I felt a wave of anxiety coming on, I’d pause and ask myself:

What’s happening right now?

Often, the present moment was actually okay. My breath was steady. My body was safe. The catastrophe I feared didn’t happen. This grounding helped me ride out the waves of anxiety without getting swept away.

  1. It Taught Me Self-Compassion

Mindfulness isn’t just about awareness—it’s also about kindness. I used to be incredibly hard on myself for feeling anxious. I’d beat myself up for not being “stronger” or “more together.” But mindfulness encouraged me to treat myself with the same compassion I’d offer a friend. I learned to say, “This is hard, and that’s okay,” instead of, “What’s wrong with you?” That shift in self-talk made a huge difference.

  1. It Helped Me Sleep Better

Sleep and anxiety have a complicated relationship. The more anxious I felt, the harder it was to sleep—and the less I slept, the more anxious I became. Mindfulness helped break that cycle. I started using body scans and breath awareness techniques before bed. They calmed my nervous system and quieted my mind, making it
easier to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Challenges Along the Way

I won’t pretend it was all smooth sailing. There were days when I didn’t want to meditate. Days when sitting with my thoughts felt unbearable. Times when I questioned whether it was working at all. But I kept showing up.

I reminded myself that mindfulness isn’t about achieving a certain state—it’s about being with whatever is here, with openness and curiosity.

Integrating Mindfulness Into Daily Life

Eventually, mindfulness became more than just a practice I did on a cushion. It became a way of living. I started bringing mindful awareness into everyday activities: brushing my teeth, drinking coffee, and walking to work. I learned to pause and take a breath before reacting. I became more present in conversations, more attuned to my body, and more accepting of my emotions.

The Bigger Picture

Mindfulness didn’t “cure” my anxiety. I still have anxious moments. But now, I have tools to navigate them. I don’t feel powerless or overwhelmed. I’ve built a relationship with my anxiety—one that’s based on understanding rather than fear.

More importantly, mindfulness helped me reconnect with myself. It reminded me that I’m not broken. That I don’t need to fix every uncomfortable feeling. That I can be with what is happening in the moment and still be okay.

Final Thoughts

If you’re struggling with anxiety, I want you to know that you’re not alone—and that change is possible.
Mindfulness might not be a magic bullet, but it can be a powerful ally. Start small. Be patient. Be kind to yourself. And remember: every moment is a chance to begin again.

© D’vorah Elias 2025
womansuperpowers.com

Assertiveness Can Help Keep A Marriage Together

Assertiveness Can Help Keep A Marriage Together

A Real Story of Transformation

I recently received a beautiful letter from a client who wanted to share how learning assertiveness has changed her life — and her marriage — for the better.
With her permission, I’m sharing it with you today.

A Letter from Mary Ellen

Dear D’vorah,

I hope you are doing well.
I’ve been reflecting on all that I’ve learned from you, and I wanted to express my deepest gratitude for the guidance and tools you shared with me on assertiveness.

Your support and techniques have made an incredible difference in my life — far beyond what I ever imagined. I was surprised at how easy it was to use the techniques once I made up my mind to do it. I was even more surprised that my husband truly heard the message and made a change, just as I had asked.

This was crucial because I had been seriously considering asking for a trial separation — something I desperately didn’t want, but felt pushed toward because of ongoing frustrations. I was often angry, and I hated feeling that way toward him.

A Defining Moment

Recently, at a gathering with friends, my husband made a comment that belittled me in front of everyone.

In the past, I would have either laughed it off to avoid confrontation, stayed silent while seething inside, or burst into tears from the hurt.

But this time, I chose a different path. I remembered the “broken record” technique you taught me. I calmly said:

“I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that in front of others. I would like you to stop.”

When he tried to brush it off with a joke, I repeated firmly:

“I don’t find it funny, and I need you to stop.”

To my amazement, he paused, seemed to realize I was serious, and stopped.

That moment was incredibly empowering. It was the first time I stood up for myself without lashing out, feeling guilty, or being drawn into an argument.

Later, we talked privately, and I shared — assertively — that this pattern had been hurting me for a long time. He thanked me for bringing it to his attention.

A New Chapter Begins

Since that day, something has shifted between us.

My husband has been noticeably more thoughtful and kinder with his words.
I feel a growing sense of respect in our relationship. It’s not perfect — but it’s progress.

Most importantly, I feel hopeful again.

Thank you so much for giving me these life-changing tools.

I feel stronger, more confident, and more empowered — both in my relationships and within myself.

With sincere appreciation,
Mary Ellen

You Can Experience This, Too

Assertiveness isn’t about confrontation — it’s about clear, calm, and respectful communication.
It’s about valuing yourself enough to stand up for your needs without anger or guilt.

When done right, assertiveness can transform relationships, heal old wounds, and rebuild trust — just as it did for Mary Ellen.

Ready to step into your own power and create healthier relationships?
Learn More About My Assertiveness Programs →

© D’vorah Elias 2025 | womansuperpowers.com

How to Deliver an Assertive Message to a Difficult Family Member Without Guilt

How to Deliver an Assertive Message to a Difficult Family Member Without Guilt

Navigating a Domineering Mother-in-Law with Confidence and Calm

In today’s blog, I’ll walk you through an assertive way to deal with a domineering mother-in-law—a situation that many people can relate to, but few know how to handle effectively.

Let’s meet our subject, Emma Quaid. Emma is married to Martin Quaid, whose mother is a classic know-it-all. She has an opinion on everything—how Emma dresses, how she cooks, and especially how she raises her two children.

This behavior has gone on for years, and Emma has tried everything: ignoring her, going along to keep the peace, even lashing out in frustration. But recently, Emma enrolled in an Assertiveness Training class—and now, everything is about to change.

The Assertive Conversation

Mother-in-Law: Emma, I think the baby is cold. Go get a blanket for her.
Emma: Thank you, Mom. I don’t think she is cold.

Mother-in-Law: Can’t you see she’s shivering? Go get a blanket for her.
Emma: Mom, when you tell me what to do with my children, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: What? Why do you feel that way!?
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: But honey, I’m only trying to help. The baby looks cold.
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: Oh, well, you shouldn’t feel that way. Don’t feel that way.
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: You have never said anything about this before. Why are you bringing it up now? Martin! Come in here right now!
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: Well, if you ask me, that’s your problem, not mine!
Emma: When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.

Mother-in-Law: I can see that this conversation is going nowhere. Let’s come back to it later.

What Did Emma Do Right?

Emma used a powerful assertive communication strategy called the Broken Record Technique. Here’s a breakdown of what she did well:

  • Stayed calm – She did not raise her voice or show anger.

  • Stayed focused – She repeated her message without being baited into an argument.

  • Avoided triangulation – She didn’t get pulled into a conflict involving her husband.

  • Used clear “I” statements – Her message was consistent: “When you tell me what to do, I feel disrespected by you.”

Was It Effective?

While her mother-in-law didn’t change her behavior immediately, Emma took a stand and clearly communicated her boundaries. Assertiveness is not about controlling the other person—it’s about honoring your own values and expressing them with confidence and clarity.

Reflection Questions

Ask yourself:

  • Would you have stayed as calm as Emma did?

  • What triggers would have tempted you to argue or defend yourself?

  • How might you apply this approach in a difficult conversation in your own life?

 

What Could Emma Have Done Differently?

While Emma did well using the broken record technique, she might consider:

  • Setting a boundary ahead of time with a private conversation.

  • Having her husband support her assertiveness by backing her up in future conversations.

  • Taking time to follow up after the conversation to reaffirm her values and reinforce her boundary.

 

Final Thoughts

Assertiveness isn’t about winning—it’s about being clear, respectful, and consistent. Emma showed us that sometimes, the most powerful message you can deliver is one you refuse to back down from.

Want more examples of assertive communication in real-life situations?
Subscribe to the blog or check out our next post on boundary-setting with passive-aggressive coworkers.

How to Deal with Anxiety: Practical Strategies to Regain Control of Your Life

How to Deal with Anxiety: Practical Strategies to Regain Control of Your Life

If you’re like me, then you know that managing anxiety can be a challenging journey—even on the best of days.

Mine always seemed to be the worst when I was trudging the aisles of the grocery store. But I finally learned the right strategies so I could manage my anxiety, keep it from derailing my life, and stop it from managing me.

Many people are experiencing elevated levels of anxiety due to current political and social uncertainty. This is an ideal time to learn supportive, life-changing skills that can help you feel safe, grounded, and in control again.

 

Understanding Anxiety

Learning to understand anxiety was a game-changer for me. It helped me realize that anxiety doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with you. That awareness alone relieved a huge layer of stress.

Anxiety is a natural stress response. It can be beneficial in certain situations because it alerts us to danger and helps us pay attention. But when it becomes chronic or overwhelming, it interferes with our quality of life—and that’s when it’s time to take action.

 

Recognizing the Symptoms

Identifying your anxiety symptoms can actually help you prevent anxiety attacks before they escalate. These signals are your body’s way of asking you to pause, pay attention, and respond with care.

Common symptoms include:

  • Physical: Increased heart rate, trembling, sweating, shortness of breath, fatigue
  • Emotional: Restlessness, dread, irritability, inability to concentrate
  • Behavioral: Avoidance, compulsive behaviors, social withdrawal

 

Identifying Triggers

Understanding your personal triggers is essential. Once you know what sets off your anxiety, you can build strategies to manage or avoid those triggers.

Common triggers include:

  • Stressful life events: Job loss, toxic work environments, financial worries
  • Health issues: Chronic illness, hormonal imbalances, family history of anxiety
  • Substance use: Caffeine, alcohol, or medications that heighten anxiety
  • Environment: Noise, chaos, or lack of boundaries in daily life

Personally, I’m still sensitive to loud or overwhelming environments, and I stay alert to these conditions so I don’t become overstimulated.

 

Developing Coping Strategies

This is where transformation begins. When you commit to regular, intentional practices, anxiety becomes manageable—and even a source of wisdom.

Here are the strategies that helped me most:

 

1. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness rescued me from a constant state of anxiety. It’s about staying fully present in the moment, without judgment.

Try these techniques:

  • Box Breathing: A simple breathing pattern I teach clients inside my programs
  • Body Scan: Release tension by scanning through each part of your body
  • Guided Imagery: Visualize a peaceful place to calm your nervous system

 

2. Engage in Physical Activity

Movement is medicine. It boosts endorphins and helps you reset mentally and physically.

Recommended exercises:

  • Walking, swimming, or dancing
  • Weightlifting or resistance training
  • Yoga or Tai Chi (mindful movement is key!)

 

3. Maintain a Healthy Diet

Your food choices can influence your mental health. Choose foods that regulate your mood and blood sugar.

Eat more:

  • Whole grains (oats, brown rice, quinoa)
  • Lean proteins (chicken, legumes, fish)
  • Fresh fruits and vegetables
  • Healthy fats (avocados, nuts, olive oil)
  • Avoid: Excess caffeine and alcohol

 

4. Establish a Routine

Routines bring a sense of predictability and calm. Build structure in your day for greater emotional regulation.

Include:

  • Consistent sleep and wake times
  • Meal schedules
  • Balanced work and relaxation time

 

Building a Support System

You don’t have to do this alone. Community is one of the most healing forces.

Build your support by:

  • Talking with trusted friends or family
  • Joining supportive online groups like the Superpowers Inner Circle
  • Finding a mentor or therapist

 

Practicing Self-Care

Self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s survival. It helps you fill your cup so you’re more resilient when anxiety strikes.

Try:

  • Reading, journaling, painting
  • Listening to music, taking warm baths, aromatherapy
  • Managing time with intention and boundaries

 

Managing Anxiety at Work

Workplace stress can be a huge anxiety trigger. Use these strategies to protect your peace:

  • Break tasks into small, achievable steps
  • Take regular breaks and stretch
  • Communicate openly with your team about your needs
  • Use assertiveness techniques to set boundaries

 

Long-Term Strategies

Managing anxiety is a lifelong skill set—but the more you practice, the easier it gets.

  • Keep learning about anxiety and mental health
  • Do monthly self-checks
  • Adjust strategies as needed
  • Consider support through coaching or guided programs

Why Do Some People Have More Anxiety Than Others?

Anxiety affects everyone differently. Factors include:

Genetic Factors

Some families have a biological predisposition to anxiety, due to certain genes or brain chemistry.

Environmental Factors

Early life stress, trauma, or living in high-stress environments can raise anxiety levels.

Psychological Factors

Traits like shyness, overthinking, or catastrophizing contribute to how anxiety manifests.

Physical Health

Thyroid issues, hormonal imbalances, or chronic pain can trigger anxiety responses.

Substance Use

Excessive caffeine, alcohol, or certain medications can amplify anxiety. Withdrawal from substances can worsen symptoms.

 

Conclusion

Anxiety doesn’t have to derail your life.

With the right understanding, tools, and support system, you can take control of your experience and start thriving—not just surviving.

Managing anxiety is a journey. You don’t have to walk it alone.

Explore the full range of coaching and resources at WomanSuperpowers.com and begin your path to inner calm and confidence today.

 

© D’vorah Elias 2025
https://womansuperpowers.com

 

How Anxiety Affects Relationships: Understanding the Emotional Impact

How Anxiety Affects Relationships: Understanding the Emotional Impact

Anxiety is a complex and deeply personal experience, yet its impact often extends far beyond the individual who suffers from it. When anxiety infiltrates a relationship—whether romantic, familiar, or platonic—it can create emotional distance, miscommunication, and stress that neither person fully understands at first. The person with anxiety may struggle with intrusive thoughts, overthinking, or avoidance, while their partner, friend, or family member may feel frustrated, confused, or even helpless.

If you or someone you love battles anxiety, understanding its toll on relationships is the first step toward building healthier, more compassionate connections. In this blog post, we’ll explore how anxiety affects relationships, the common challenges that arise, and how both parties can work together to heal and grow stronger.

Understanding Anxiety in Relationships

Anxiety is more than just occasional worry or stress—it’s a persistent feeling of fear, dread, or unease that can affect thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It can stem from past trauma, learned behaviors, or even genetic predispositions. While anxiety manifests differently in everyone, common symptoms include:

  • Constant overthinking and analyzing situations
  • Fear of abandonment or rejection
  • Difficulty trusting others or feeling secure in relationships
  • Irrational worries about the future
  • Physical symptoms like restlessness, insomnia, or stomach issues

 

When these symptoms bleed into relationships, they can create misunderstandings, tension, and even resentment over time.

The Different Ways Anxiety Can Manifest in Relationships

 

Not all anxiety looks the same, and different forms of anxiety can impact relationships in unique ways:

  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Causes persistent worry, which can lead to overanalyzing conversations, second-guessing one’s actions, and seeking constant reassurance.
  • Social Anxiety: Makes it difficult for someone to engage in social activities, leading to avoidance or tension in group settings.
  • Attachment Anxiety: Triggers intense fears of abandonment, leading to clinginess, jealousy, or frequent arguments.
  • Panic Disorder: Causes sudden, intense anxiety attacks, which may be overwhelming for both the individual and their loved ones.

 

Recognizing these different forms can help both partners understand what’s happening and respond with compassion instead of frustration.

The Toll Anxiety Takes on Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships require trust, communication, and emotional stability. When anxiety is present, it can disrupt these foundations in several ways:

  1. Overthinking and Insecurity

An anxious person often overanalyzes interactions, wondering, Did I say something wrong? Do they still love me? This constant self-doubt can make it difficult for them to feel safe in a relationship.

For the partner, constantly reassuring their loved one can become exhausting. They may feel as though they are walking on eggshells, afraid that anything they say or do will be misinterpreted.

  1. Fear of Abandonment and Clinginess

Many people with anxiety struggle with attachment issues, fearing their partner will leave them. This can lead to behaviors like:

  • Needing frequent reassurance (Do you still love me?)
  • Becoming overly dependent on their partner for emotional stability
  • Reacting strongly to perceived signs of distance, such as a delayed text message

For the non-anxious partner, this can feel suffocating. They may struggle to balance their independence while meeting their anxious partner’s needs.

  1. Avoidance and Emotional Withdrawal

On the other end of the spectrum, some people with anxiety cope by withdrawing emotionally. They may avoid serious discussions, struggle to open up, or push their partner away out of fear of being a burden.

This emotional distance can make the other partner feel unloved or unwanted, creating a cycle where both parties feel disconnected and frustrated.

  1. Conflict and Miscommunication

Anxiety can lead to frequent misunderstandings, especially when assumptions take over. An anxious mind may assume the worst:

  • They didn’t reply to my text. They must be mad at me.
  • They canceled our date. Maybe they don’t love me anymore.

These assumptions can lead to unnecessary arguments and emotional exhaustion for both partners.

  1. Impact on Physical Intimacy

Anxiety can also affect intimacy and physical affection. Stress and worry can reduce libido, create self-esteem issues, or make physical closeness feel overwhelming. This can leave both partners feeling disconnected.

How Anxiety Affects Friendships

Anxiety doesn’t just impact romantic relationships—it can also strain friendships. Friends may struggle to understand why an anxious person cancels plans last minute, avoids social gatherings, or seems distant.

  1. Social Avoidance

Many people with anxiety struggle with social situations, leading them to:

  • Cancel plans at the last minute.
  • Avoid answering phone calls or texts.
  • Feel guilty for not being “a good friend.”

Over time, this avoidance can cause friendships to fade, leaving the anxious person feeling even more isolated.

  1. Constant Need for Reassurance

Some people with anxiety seek validation from their friends, asking questions like:

  • Do you think I embarrassed myself?
  • Are you mad at me?

While occasional reassurance is normal, excessive seeking can become overwhelming for friends.

  1. Difficulty Opening Up

Anxiety often makes people feel like a burden, leading them to bottle up their emotions. This can create emotional distance in friendships, making it hard for friends to truly connect.

How Anxiety Affects Family Relationships

Families provide emotional support, but anxiety can strain these bonds as well.

  1. Parental Pressure and Expectations

Parents may struggle to understand their child’s anxiety, interpreting their behaviors as laziness or defiance instead of a mental health struggle. This can lead to misunderstandings and pressure to “just get over it.”

  1. Sibling Struggles

Anxiety can sometimes lead to sibling tension, especially if one sibling requires more attention due to their mental health struggles. This can create feelings of resentment or misunderstanding.

  1. Caregiver Burnout

When a parent or family member takes on a caregiving role for someone with anxiety, they may experience burnout. They might feel helpless, exhausted, or even guilty for needing space.

How to Navigate Anxiety in Relationships

Despite these challenges, relationships can thrive when both parties work together. Here are some ways to foster healthy, anxiety-aware relationships:

For the Anxious Person

  • Practice Self-Awareness: Recognize when anxiety is driving your thoughts and challenge irrational fears.
  • Communicate Openly: Let your loved ones know when you’re struggling instead of shutting down or assuming they understand.
  • Develop Coping Strategies: Try mindfulness, journaling, or therapy to manage anxious thoughts.
  • Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that no relationship is perfect, and occasional miscommunication is normal.

For the Partner, Friend, or Family Member

  • Practice Patience and Compassion: Understand that anxiety is not a choice, and respond with empathy.
  • Encourage Professional Help: If anxiety is severely impacting your loved one’s life, support them in seeking therapy or counseling.
  • Set Healthy Boundaries: Supporting someone with anxiety doesn’t mean sacrificing your own mental health. Set limits when needed.
  • Validate Their Feelings: Instead of dismissing their worries, say, I understand that this is hard for you, and I’m here to support you.

For Both People in the Relationship

  • Educate Yourself: Learn about anxiety together to foster understanding.
  • Seek Therapy if Needed: Couples or family therapy can help navigate anxiety’s impact on relationships.

Cultivate a Safe Space: Create a relationship dynamic where both people feel safe to express their emotions without judgment.

Final Thoughts

Anxiety can take a toll on relationships, but it doesn’t have to break them. When both parties work together with compassion, communication, and patience, relationships can not only survive anxiety but grow stronger because of it.

Whether you struggle with anxiety yourself or love someone who does, remember that understanding and support are the keys to building meaningful, lasting connections. With the right strategies and mutual effort, relationships can withstand anxiety’s challenges and thrive in the face of adversity.

© D’vorah Elias 2025

 womansuperpowers.com