Mindfulness in London Ontario

Mindfulness in London Ontario

by | Aug 29, 2024 | Blog, Mindfulness

Have you ever burst into tears or locked yourself in the bathroom because your heart felt like it was going to explode and you couldn’t control your emotions?
Anxiety is an awful thing. It feels like the curse that just keeps on giving and giving long after the gift’s supposed value has faded away. My anxiety started when I was about 15. For years, I dismissed it, thinking it was just nervousness and that I shouldn’t worry about it too much. But as time wore on, it simply became a bigger and bigger problem.
Once at work, I actually DID go and hide in the women’s washroom because I was so anxious about a presentation I was scheduled to give. I had rehearsed it over and over ad nauseam, I had it memorized and had it reviewed and critiqued by a professional. I had agonized over the PowerPoint presentation until I could do it in my sleep.
But, when The big day came, I was absolutely paralyzed with fear
Why? Well, for one thing, I was up for a promotion, and that depended on my presentation. Additionally, my boss’s boss was there and he was going to be evaluating me, too. He was sitting in the first row of the audience. The presentation was also a rehearsal for a larger presentation I was going to be making at an upcoming provincial conference.
As I stood trembling in the bathroom stall, sweat poured down my back. I could feel my brand new purple silk blouse being destroyed by the second. The voice in my head, the one that constantly told me that I was never good enough, was shouting in my mind so loudly it drowned out the hammering of my heart. I had an almost overwhelming urge to urinate or throw up. It was the worst panic attack I had ever experienced.
I stood there shaking for what felt like an eternity until the cold sweat started to subside.
Two weeks later, I sat in my therapist’s office recounting the story and begging him for help. He prescribed Ativan, a drug that falls in a class called benzodiazepines which, unbeknownst to me at the time, are highly addictive. Taking Ativan certainly calmed my anxiety for a while but I soon found myself hopelessly addicted to the drug. Even thinking about trying to stop taking it threw me into another anxiety attack. Each one felt more difficult to manage than the next and I soon began to feel hopelessly trapped by both my anxiety and my new addiction.
I had been struggling with my BPD diagnosis since high school and had been in traditional talk therapy for years and none of it seemed to help. I had even spent a year in a famous psychiatric hospital in the United States which helped but none of it offered any real and lasting, fundamental change.
I was finally referred to a group that taught me something called Dialectical Behavioural Therapy or DBT
DBT is regarded as the gold standard treatment protocol for people with Borderline Personality Disorder because it teaches us specific kills we never acquired while growing up. These skills include things like distress tolerance, distraction techniques, mindfulness, how to be a good friend, and acceptance.
During the course of my DBT program, I learned about something called mindfulness
I began to do my best to practice mindfulness on my own and I began a twice-daily practice of meditation after purchasing a CD that contained timed, guided meditations. I soon discovered that practicing mindfulness really helped my anxiety symptoms, much to my surprise. Why?
Mindfulness helps with anxiety symptoms because it keeps you in the moment
Staying in the moment is crucial when dealing with anxiety because the stress of anxiety comes from either thinking about past events and what happened, how you could have done it better or differently or it thrusts you into the future with a litany of “what ifs.” In both cases through the use of mindfulness, you learn that those “what ifs” are problems that do not need to be solved at that exact moment.
I was able to learn how to tame my anxiety monster, put a harness on him, and send him back to where he belonged whenever he threatened to come nursing out of his lair. It took me about a year and a half of diligent practice each day but it worked. I put all this mindfulness expertise into a Mindfulness in London course. In six weeks you will learn everything I used to get my anxiety under better control, Mindfulness in London will get you on your way to a better happy, less anxious life.
I teach women how to love themselves from the inside out.
#loveyourself
#choose yourself
#womansuperpowers
Who I Am And How I Got Here

Who I Am And How I Got Here

by | Aug 29, 2024 | Blog

Imagine this:
You are a baby who freezing in a basket in the courtyard of an orphanage but you have no idea where you are because you are only six months old. You have just witnessed your biological mother being murdered by your grandfather and your grandmother has whisked you away to safety. You have no words with witch to express this horror. All you can do is wail but no one comes to comfort you.
Star of the Sea Baby Home
Photo: Mary Ann Bokan Sagraves memorabilia 1978
 
Imagine this:.
The temperature is 35F and you have been left naked without a blanket, clothing or food. Welcome to your new world, sweet baby girl!
The story goes that I was abandoned in the garden of the Star of the Sea Baby Home in Inchon, Korea when I was approximately 6 months old. But because there was no identifying information about me, the doctors were not really sure just how old I was. I was given a birthdate in late August of 1958 and a new name. I lived at the Star of the Sea Baby Home until I was approximately 11 months old. The first few months of my existence are a mystery. I actually don’t know how I ended up at the orphanage: the story of my biological mother being murdered by my grandfather is my birth story myth, something made up so that I could try to stop feeling unwanted by my family of origin.
After five months at the orphanage, you are again whisked away and put on an airplane. All your familiar surroundings have been removed from view without any words or attempt at explanation, not that you would have understood anyway. 28 hours later, you arrive at O’Hare Airport where there are two friendly strangers who greet you. They speak to you in a language you have never heard and though their eyes smile, you are afraid. You wail but this time there is the scent of a man who cradles you in his strong arms.
For me, from as early as I can remember, the world has always been a frightening place for me. I grew up with an enormous sense of anxiety knowing that my “real” mother didn’t want me; I always expected my new adoptive parents to reject me and abandon me if I didn’t behave properly or was anything less than perfect. I never understood what was wrong with me to make my biological mother abandon me in a garden. My life was filled with uncertainty and terror. Despite always being told that I was a wanted child. I never felt wanted no matter where I went. Because I looked so different from my peers at school, I was always acutely aware of my “differentness.” That sense of being different was not anything I could savour, in fact I became highly ashamed of how different I looked from everyone else in my world and I began to develop a deep sense of loathing for myself, something I took into my adult years.
It took years before I was able to process and come to terms with my abandonment and not shriek every time I perceived another abandonment coming from a friend or a romantic partner. Years and DBT. But I finally learned how to manage it. One of the ways I learned how to do it was by learning to practice self-love. Once I was able to really love myself, warts and all, I stopped trying to annihilate myself all the time either physically or emotionally. It was hard work but I am finally at peace with who I am and my origin story.
But back int he Bad Old Days, my anxiety followed me wherever I went like a toxic shadow and even though I didn’t have many big anxiety events until about age 30, I my uneasiness was always simmering on a back burner like a pot threatening to boil over at a moment’s notice.
The birth of my last child was the straw that tipped me over into mental illness and I was soon diagnosed with a mental illness because I kept trying to commit suicide.
I spent many years working as an admin for a Facebook group devoted to others who shared my diagnosis and as time passed, I began to informally coach members on Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills after having taken and mastered my own DBT course. During that time,I became acutely aware that almost everyone I worked with had some sort of undiagnosed anxiety issue. I wondered, “What came first, the mental illness or the anxiety?” I myself had watched my own anxiety and illness go into remission as I practiced and internalized my DBT skills and became adept at practicing mindfulness.I begant to be convinced that practicing mindfulness was the best way to decrease anxiety symptoms and so I began teaching my “clients” what I called my Anxiety Busting Techniques: mindfulness, grounding, meditation. It wasn’t long before I began to notice that many of my informal clients were having profound success with the techniques I was teaching them.
Fast forward to now and I have completed a Life Coach certification course with Coach Training Alliance and opened the doors to my own Life Coaching business. Woman Super Powers where I teach women how to love themselves from the inside out, drwaing upon my DBT skills to accomplish my goals.
I named my business Woman Super Powers because I belive that the skills I teach my clients imbue them with Super Powers, things we as women don’t learn in school. These skills give women the ability to enjoy remarkable success as they reclaim their lives and forge a new sense of happiness and contentment.
Anxiety is the gift that keeps on giving and giving and giving no matter how much you don’t want it. But believe it or not, there is GOOD news about anxiety! And when you learn how to love yourself, warts and all, your life will never be the same.
Some of the good things about anxiety:
1. You think your anxiety attack is never going to end but it does.
2. You think your anxiety will never get any better but it can.
3. You think there is something wrong with YOU but there isn’t.
4. You think you are going to die of a heart attack when you are having an anxiety attack, but you won’t.
5. You think you are going to suffocate to death but you aren’t.
Anxiety is essentially the Fight or Flight Response on steroids. And although I will tell you that you can’t stop the fight or flight response from happening, you CAN manage it and the way you respond to it. With my modality of anxiety reduction techniques, in just 10 weeks Woman Super Powers will show you how to equip yourself with a Teflon™ coating that will shield you from the external criticism and negative self-talk during which you tell yourself that you are not smart enough, pretty enough, lovable enough, good enough. I believe these are the biggest drivers of anxiety events.
Sign up for our exclusive 10 week course today and let me teach you everything I know about how practicing self-love can dramatically reduce your anxiety symptoms as you learn how to manage it effectively. You won’t regret it, I promise.
Why,”Why Self-Love Matters and How To Love Yourself Deeply

Why,”Why Self-Love Matters and How To Love Yourself Deeply

by | Aug 29, 2024 | Blog, What Is Self Love

If you asked 100 women if they love themselves, about 50% would shrug, 25% might give a tentative yes and the other 25% would probably say no or they don’t know how. The practice of self-love is very closely tied to one’s self-esteem. And while you may not know it, the level of your self-esteem will have an impact on every single decision you make during your lifetime.
Before we dig into why the practice of self-love is so important, let’s first make sure we understand what we are talking about because before you can practice it, you must first understand what it means.
Self-love means being able to appreciate yourself and nurture yourself in meaningful ways. This fosters and supports our psychological, spiritual and physical growth. When you love yourself, you view yourself both internally and externally with a high regard. When you practice self love, you take care of your own needs: physical, psychological and spiritual needs in ways that contribute to your overall well being. You do not settle for less than that to which you are entitled and deserving.
Self-love can mean something different for each person because we all have many ways to take care of ourselves
. Figuring out what self-love looks like for you as an individual is an important part of your mental health.
What does self-love mean to you?
For starters, it can mean:
  • Talking to and about yourself with love
  • Prioritizing yourself
  • Giving yourself a break from self-judgment
  • Trusting yourself
  • Being true to yourself
  • Being nice to yourself
  • Setting healthy boundaries
  • Forgiving yourself when you aren’t being true or nice to yourself
For many people, self-love is another way to say self-care. To practice self-care, we often need to go back to the basics because in our busy world with our hectic lives, many of us push our self-care to the bottom o our to-do list.
How can you begin to practice self-care:
  • Listen to our bodies
  • Take breaks from work and move/stretch.
  • Spend an afternoon at the spa if you can afford it, if not, spend an afternoon at a park reading your favourite book
  • Put the phone down and connect to yourself or others, or do something creative.
  • Eating healthily, but sometimes letting yourself indulge in your favorite foods.
Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first. In other words, my favourite: #chooseyourself
How and Why to Practice Self Love
So now we know that self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. When you hold yourself in high esteem, you’re more likely to choose things that nurture your well-being and serve you well. These things may be in the form of changing your diet to incorporate more healthy choices, setting aside time in your calendar for some exercise every day, even if it is just a simple walk, working on developing healthy relationships that nurture your soul and help you feel alive and good about yourself and your life.
Ways to practice self-love include:
  • Becoming mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want.
  • Taking actions based on need rather than want. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.
  • Practicing good self-care. You will love yourself more when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.
  • Making room for healthy habits. Start truly caring for yourself by mirroring that in what you eat, how you exercise, and what you spend time doing. Do stuff, not to “get it done” or because you “have to,” but because you care about you.
Finally, to practice self-love, start by being kind, patient, gentle and compassionate to yourself, the way you are with those people whom you care about.
How will these improvements manifest in your life?
You will slowly begin to see that when you #choose yourself you are reaping the benefits of what it means to finally put yourself first. Doing this, practicing self-love in the form of self-care is not selfish though many women see it that way. Think of it this way: when you are on an airline flight, the flight attendant always makes a speech about what to do if the oxygen masks drop down. If you are traveling with a child, put YOUR oxygen mask on first before your assist your child. Why? Because if you lost consciousness from lack of oxygen, you will be unable to assist your child. If you are a mother, this is an extremely important lesson to learn. If you love your children, take care of their mother first and foremost. Experts will tell you that it is extremely important to #choose yourself and that doing so is not only NOT selfish, it is a necessity. This ability to love oneself is extremely important for women who are people pleasers. Those who don’t learn how to do it, risk burning out, becoming depressed and sometimes even ending their marriage because of the stress.
Like any other skill or “exercise regimen” learning how to love oneself can be very hard. For the person who is just beginning, it can feel like running a marathon, very intense, hard work. Work on not becoming disillusioned or overwhelmed by the journey because the payoffs you will derive are huge. I promise you won’t regret it.
When I first began my journey toward self-love, it felt like I was trying to move a mountain and, in many ways, I was. Because of my history and my lack of self-esteem, I didn’t think there was anything to love about myself or that I even deserved to love myself. Truthfully, I didn’t know how. I thought that loving myself meant that I would grow a huge ego and become an insufferable boor but it couldn’t have been farther from the truth. When you engage in self-love, it’s actually a gentle process, it’s the simple act of affirming yourself and your right to live as a free, happy person. Not practicing self-love is a torturous exercise in despair and invalidation of yourself, it is the practice of disavowing your right to exist and be content with your place in the world. It took me many years to truly learn how to practice self-love; there were many stops and starts, many wrong turns and in many ways it was trial by fire and I often struggled with why it really even mattered. As I began to love myself more and more, it became obvious to me why it mattered: because I was not the hopeless wretch I had always thought I was, because I deserved to be loved by someone and loving myself was the most important thing I could ever give myself.
Self care and self love take many forms
Practicing self-care is the flip side of self-love and once you learn how to practice self-love, adding self-care to your daily life will become as natural to you as waking up in the morning.
A self-care practice can be as simple as spending an hour at the spa having a pedicure and manicure. It can be taking an half hour to laze away in the hammock. On Sunday afternoons, I used to go into my bedroom and have a nap saying to my children, “Don’t wake me up unless the house is on fire!” My children knew that when the bedroom door was closed, they were to knock and wait for my response before they could enter freely. That was my way of carving out an oasis for myself from a busy hectic weekday cycle.
Copyright by Woman Super Powers All Rights Reserved | 2024